On Being Alone

I have forgotten how to be alone. This weekend Kevin was out of town for work, so it was just me and the dog. I usually like a little “me” time here and there when Kevin is out of the house and I can throw in a chick flick or read a good book and not feel guilty that I am ignoring the love of my life. But 2 days of alone time is a little much for me, so I called in the troops – my sisters and my mom – for a girls’ night on Saturday.

But then I got sick. Girls night was off. And I was alone. And sick. And very whiney about it.

What to do when you are alone and sick? I watched a ton of movies (all three Pirates movies and even a couple of dumb Lifetime movies). Read a book. Slept. Sat on the floor with my dog. I got really sick of being alone. I am really not that good at it for more than a day.

Maybe I was never good at being alone. I went from a big family of eight to a college dorm of 300 to a house of 6 girls to a wee apartment with one man. But I have always been surrounded. Never on my own. Weird. Because I am NOT a people person or extrovert at ALL. Just ask my friends or my husband, one thing I say all of the time is “I hate talking to people.” Then they remind me that I don’t hate talking to people, I hate talking to people I don’t know. Which is true. I find it tedious and uncomfortable which generally makes it unbearable. So I don’t like to be alone. And I don’t enjoy throngs of unknown people. I am an intro-extrovert. Or something like that.

So I am glad that Kevin is coming home today. I am glad that I had to drag my butt out of bed today to go to work so that I could interact with the few co-workers that are in the office this week. I am glad for small doses of alone time but even more glad that most of my time is full of the people I love and whom I throw all of my extrovertedness to.

Hope

Yesterday I left work early to see Twilight with two of my favorite ladies, Aletha and Baa. I was super excited after reading the book to see the movie. Who can resist a little vampire love? And as I was driving and listening to the radio, the dj started talking about new research that suggested that romantic comedies are harmful to women. I have heard this all before… false ideas of love and romance that are impossible in real life. One article I read previously even suggested that romantic comedies are as dangerous to women as porn is to men – Unrealistic view of romance vs. unrealistic view of the female body and sex. Hhhmmmm…

Now, I love me some romantic comedies. And I love vampire love stories. I love any kind of love story. I know that most of them are just that – stories. They are not real and probably could never be real. After all, we live in a broken world that is incapable of pure love . But this will not keep me from watching them. There is power in story. There is hope in watching love conquer all. Joy in watching good trounce evil. Even if the good is the good girl getting the guy and the evil is in the form of misunderstanding.

When it comes down to it, I love story. Because, after all, a well-crafted story is about hope. Yes, the story we read or see today may be unrealistic for the time we live in, but one day our story, the world’s story, will have an end. Love will conquer all, because, after all, God wins, love wins. So in the meantime I am going to keep on watching my romantic comedies and reading the Twilight series and living in the already not here space. I am going to cling to hope in any form I can find.

trees

Right now our street is full of naked trees. All of these mighty oaks and proud maples who only weeks ago blazed and strutted in the wind now sit muted against the gray landscape. The 50-year-old trees in our “baby boom” neighborhood were one of the reasons I fell in love with our house. They let me know spring is coming with their tiny shoots; they provide an anchor and shade for my hammock in the summer; they wave the banner for fall. And then, in winter, they are stilled. And in their quietness and bareness I find another reason to love them.

In the town near where I grew up there was a movie theater called The Broadway . A glorious one-screen theater from pre-multiplex days in which you could conjure up images of people going to see Gone with the Wind or The Philadelphia Story or Casablanca. And in that theater, on either side of the screen, giant wall murals of Adam and Eve watched over every frame and every movie goer and every balcony makeout session. I remember just stariing at those murals when I was little and wondering at their blank faces and the fig leaves painted on just so. You knew, because of the fig leaves, that this was an after-the-fall Adam and Eve. After they got booted out of Eden. After they felt the first icey prick of shame. After their pride pushed the first domino in the blame game. And their human shame and pride made them cover themselves. And humankind’s shame and pride has been handing us fig leaves ever since.

I am thankful for the trees on our street. Because I have covered up. I have clenched my fists to hold on to the projected me. The me that needs to be right. The me that needs to look a certain way and get certain sort of attention. The me that wants success and praise. The me that tweaks a story just enough to shine the light favorably on me. The me that is terrified of nakedness. The me who, even though my palms may bleed with the cut of nails, can’t bring myself to pry my hands open and just. let. go. But every time I walk outside or drive in my car or glance out the window at work I see them. And something about their stark imagery is comforting, their crooked symmetry, beautiful. And it reminds my weary body to open up my clenched fists and let it all fall.

Cherry Pie

I just had some magnificent cherry pie from Grand Traverse Pie Company. Now, I am not a huge fan of pie, but this stuff is just so yum! If you are in the GR area, I suggest you promptly go get a piece (or two, or a whole pie!).

So, I am thankful for cherry pie - it is the little things in life, people.

Night Sky

My love affair with the stars (twinkly ones, not the Hollywood variety) began way back in the early years. My dad, science guru that he is, would take me to the observatory at the local college on clear summer nights and show me the stars. The magic is embedded in the memory of the feel of my purple sweatshirt (to ward the chill of early summer nights) and the light of a million radiant stars viewed through a giant telescope.

It continued through nights on the back deck with my mom and dad, picking out constellations, waiting for eclipses, or meteor showers. The blackness pin pricked with needles of light fascinated me and I would stay outside long after the hour and cold had chased my parents inside.

In high school I thought I wanted to by an astrophysicist. And in all of his science teacher glory my dad researched the ins and outs of becoming an astrophysicist. And he brought all the research home to me. And I promptly realized that I was in love with the romanticism of the stars, not the science of them. And then I went and broke my dad's heart and became an English major.

So in college the only vestige of my love of the stars was the cliche Starry Night poster and an astronomy general science class tucked amidst thick Norton Anthologies and piles of poetry chapbooks. Now my love affair pops into my evening walks with Brody. Nights like this one where the night sky is peeking out from beneath silvery clouds and I spend much of the walk with my neck craned upwards. And every little star takes me back to all of those moments with my dad. Each one reminds me that I am thankful for him, for always believing in me and loving me and for all of those magic moments together under the night sky.

kayleigh

Yesterday started with snow and a peaceful walk with my dog. It ended with meeting our friends' new baby Kayleigh. Sandwiched between those beautiful moments there was a whole lot of Monday going on. A whole lot of deadlines and meetings and thinking and brain storming and problem solving and problem making and dealing with people and general work.

But the moment I touched Kayleigh's so smooth baby skin, smelled her newness and heard her perfect coos it made the rest stop. It was a collision, a halt, a fizzle and pop and then a nothingness. In her newness I was rewinded, taken back to the stillness of a morning walk and the picture of the swirling snow covering the gray landscape.

So today and always I am thankful for, simply and purely, life.

singing bug

I have written about Bug before. She is the sweetest little two-year-old. One of the reasons I love her so much is because she is a lot like me, hehe. I randomly break into song or sing songs about random things. Most people look at me a little strangely when this occurs. Bug looks at me and then joins in the singing. Last night I was over at her house babysitting for a little while. As we went upstairs to get ready for bed, I started singing a random pajama song that consisted of the brilliant lyrics, “I’m puttin’ my pajamas on, I’m puttin’ my pajamas on.” And, of course, she just smiled and joined right in all through the puttin’ on pajama process. And it just made me incredibly thankful that my singing bug got passed on to my singing Bug.

*Note, so I have noticed that there is a lot of singing that goes on in my life. A singing mom, a singing niece. It really is no wonder that I sing all of the freakin' time. I blame it on genetics.

Kevin

I am thankful for my husband.

sunshine and a singing mom

It is November 3rd. In gloomy Michigan. And the sun is shining. So, today I am thankful for the sunshine and a singing mom.

Singing mom? When I was little my mom sang a song to me all of the time that went a little something like this:

"So let the sun shine in. Face it with a grin. Smilers never lose and frowners never win. So let the sun shine in."

And she would dance around in her little mom way and it, of course, always made me smile. So whenever the sun is shining, and today was one of those beautiful sun-shiney days, I think of my mom dancing around the living room singing. And it still makes me smile.

thankful

November is the month of thanks, of being grateful. We dedicate an entire turkey-eating holiday to it. So it is my goal in November to write something about something each day that I am thankful for. One thing that makes this plain little life so incredibly full. And since I missed yesterday, here are two.

My friends. Today I spent the better part of my day laughing and singing and walking and getting lost in the woods and watching North & South (BBC) with three of the best women in the world. Everyday I get crazy emails from at least one of them that makes my cheeks hurt from smiling. I can't imagine walking this stretch of my life without them.

My new running shoes. Yes, shoes. And the actual running part. I feel so incredibly connected to my body when I run. When I can feel each muscle and each breath straining to move me forward. When I know I could stop at any moment and yet I don't. It is hard to hate your body when you can feel it working, when you are cheering it on to go faster and to go harder and to be better. Each time I run it helps me love myself just a little bit more. It helps me to look into the mirror and be ok with everything I see. Last night I went for a run at 11 pm because I needed to feel that. I needed to be connected to myself and get outside of myself all at the same time. And so I ran.

Those are just two of a million things. I am excited to see what will pop up in the coming days and weeks. How about you - what are you thankful for?

September Recap

Holy crap - it is already October! September was quite busy... so here is a little recap:

+ visited my good friend at her new awesome job

+ watched my lil baby bro get married (pictures)

+ Went to Silver Lake with my fav girls

+ picked apples with the fam

+ took our annual camping trip to Ludington

+ got a promotion

+ cut my hair (picture)

I cut my hair

That's all!

camping

Kevin and I are headed off to our annual fall camping trip in Ludington. I am looking forward to long hikes, campfires, walks, crisp air, runs with Brody, and reconnecting with the beauty that is Ludington. Not only the natural landscape beauty, but the beauty that resides in a place full of memories of the first date, the big question, and enduring sparkling joy.

(extra)ordinary

Like most people, I wait for the moments in life that blow me away. I dreamt about them when I was little, back on the grass, limbs splayed, staring into the clouds and dreaming of grown up days, first kisses, veils and pearls, and a baby's first cry. I dreamt of drama, extreme highs and lows like some heroine from the novels I buried myself in. I craved those moments in my own life and in the lives of others, others' weddings, others' loves, others' children. The ebbs and flows of my life hinged on these moments coming rapid fire. High school graduation, college, a first love and kiss, an engagement, a wedding, a love that filled my whole being to capacity.

But nowadays it seems like I am stuck in the ordinary. A friend I hadn't seen in about a year stopped by a couple of weeks ago and asked what was new. I was stumped. It seemed like I had nothing to tell her. My life consisted of getting up, going to work, coming home, and doing it all over again. Routine, there and back again and then again. I was brought face-to-face with the fact that my life is a wee mundane. A little disheartening. But even so, I am happy.

The moments in between, the cracks in the extras of life have their own little melody. They skip and sing along like they are life's grandest treasures. The crisp air breezing by my face while pumping gas, the plinking rain against my toes, the whisper of a page turned in a favorite book - they all jump up from the ordinary rhythm and fuse a beat, something that sounds more than ordinary, something that feels a lot like dancing.

Bug

This is Bug, my two-year-old niece:

I just called my mom and Bug insisted on talking to me (I could hear her in the background saying "I talk to Aunt Megan." And then her sweet little voice said "Hi Aunt Megan." And it made my day. Her conversational skills on the phone don't go much further than that, but just a simple hello from my niece made my day. She is such a little sweetheart.

Pictures!

My family=crazy
Weddings=beautiful
my family weddings=crazy beautiful
Enjoy the pics!

The rehearsal dinner:

Getting ready...

The wedding (sorry there are not a ton of shots... I handed my camera off to my sister)


After the wedding...

Holy Beautiful Weather!

Anyone who lives where I do is saying, what? It is rainy and ucky outside. Yes, I know this. BUT, check out the weather for tomorrow: BEAUTIFUL! And, since my lil baby bro is getting married tomorrow, it makes the great weather forecast even better. Not to mention the fact that it will be easier to squeeze myself into my dress in non-sweltering non-humid weather. :o) I am sure I will have plenty of pics to post on Sunday, so make sure to check back!

Yay for Google!

So, we are working on planning our England, Ireland, and Scotland trip. Which means we sit around, both of us with laptops going and guidebooks handy, and look for flight deals, ferry info, places to go see etc. This is my favorite tool so far:



This shows a bunch of the notable filming locations from Pride & Prejudice and since I am a big geek this made me incredibly happy! I mean, you click on the little film icon and it shows you what locations were shot there! Seriously cool and seriously helpful for this visual learner. :o)
View Larger Map

I heart camping

I do. Everything about it. This weekend was our annual camping trip with the Van Dykes, Van Dyks, and Texers at Silver Lake. Here are some highlights:

1. Ice cream. I love it and can eat it all the time. Lucky for me, we went out for it a couple of times over the weekend. :o)



2. Reading. I also love reading and it was nice to have an extended amount of time to devote to it. Thank the Lord I have friends who also like to read and we are all comfortable sitting around and reading together. I finished North and South and it is now on my list of all time favorite books! (If you look closely, you'll see we did occasionally abandon our books to do stuff)



3. Outdoor Exercise. I love that I got to exercise out doors doing things I don't normally do - climbing massive sand dunes and swimming. I was pretty tired out after that!


4. Friends. It was great to hang out with everyone - fun around the fire, mini-golfing, ice cream, swimming - it was just all around fun.



5. Planning for EIS. This mini vacay gave us time to start planning our May trip to England, Ireland and Scotland. Our travel book got put to good use on the beach! Europe here we come!

blueberries. baa. brilliant.

My friend Baa and I made good use of our afternoon off and went to pick blueberries - yum yum! It was my first time out this season, but I plan to go many many more times. Picking blueberries is fun, but picking with a good friend is even more fun. Baa and I talked and talked and I am pretty sure made the people around us laugh (or at least move down a couple of rows to get away from us).

Now I am waiting for Kevin to get home so we can head out to celebrate five years of marriage. Holy crap - five years! It just seems insane that we have been married for that long. We are headed out for dinner and a night at the Amway Grand and then tomorrow (our actual anniversary) we are headed out to South Haven for fun times with some of Kevin's college friends. The weekend is just getting started and I am PUMPED. I mean, a weekend that starts with blueberry picking is bound to be awesome.

My Little Baby Brother

I love my brother, Andy. He is seriously one of the funniest and craziest people I know. As siblings we are fairly different. I am more reserved with people (until I get to know them) and Andy makes it his life’s mission to get to know as many people as possible. He is charismatic and could make the devil go to confession. He is multi-talented (right now I am eating cheesecake that he made with raspberries from his garden). He is thoughtful (he also brought a piece of that cheesecake in for my friend Baa). He is giving. He drives me crazy with his spontaneity, but it also one of the things I like best about him. He is just an overall great little baby brother (and yes, he is neither smaller nor younger than me). He leaves me crazy voicemails all of the time (the latest was to ask me how the cheesecake was and tell me that he catches the rain down in Africa – bonus points if you know what he is referencing). He instilled a love in me for stupid 80’s music and softball. I hated him in middle school (and he hated me back) and in high school he became my protector, confidante and late-night-errand-runner-partner. Here’s to you, Drew, the bestest big bro a girl could have.

You know you are old when...

Merry-go-rounds are no longer make you feel merry, but more like you may want to puke. I loved merry-go-rounds when I was little. It was exciting to hold on tight and watch the world zoom around you, wind through pig tails, all the adrenaline rush a four-year-old can handle. Well, somewhere between 4 and 25 something changed.

Today I am at the Gormley family reunion running around with my niece and nephew. Natalie wants to go on the merry-go-round, and since she is two and liable to decide that walking while the merry-go-round is going is a good idea, I offered to be the good aunt and ride along with her. I love Natalie. I love merry-go-rounds. Kind of a no brainer. But after a couple of rounds of "faster, FASTER!" being yelled by Kyle, I was feeling quite sick. That's right. Sick, from a merry-go-round. I must be getting old. LAME.

On a separate note, 25 must be the age where people automatically assume you are going to have babies soon, or have one cooking in your belly. As I climbed off the merry-go-round and passed Natalie off to Kevin for MGR duties, my cousin said, "Nauseous? You have a baby in that belly?" To which Kevin and I both responded emphatically, "No." Seriously, I am going to get a shirt that says "No. I am not. Please stop asking." or a favorite response from my friend Rachel, "I don't have any ovaries." That should shut them up. :o)

Fun on the job

I work with Web sites all day at a Christian publishing house. One of the projects we are working on is a user review/comment function. Since I am the "business owner" for this project, the programmer came to me to get a list of words that would be filtered out if they were entered. Yes, I had to come up with a list of swear words. The thing is, I started and realized there was no WAY I was going to come up with them all myself. So I enlisted my friend Baa, and we enlisted our friend Becky, and still we were stumped. So, I asked one of my IT friends for a list. I mean, such a thing must already exist, right? The list exists and WHOA is it crazy. Some of the words I had never seen written down before and there were some that I didn't even know the meaning of (and I don't consider myself to be THAT naive). The list had close to 300 words - whoever knew there were that many vulgar words and sayings out there! We got a good laugh out of it though - picture three girls in Christian publishing trying to come up with all possible swear words. :) Just more fun on the job!

I'm sorry you feel that way

I hate that phrase. Because people say it when they don't think that they have done anything wrong. It essentially says, "Your feelings are wrong and I am sorry that your feelings are messed up, but I am still right."

It is a load of bull.

This Weekend I...

1. Sang happy birthday to my nephew, Evan
2. Ate a piece of Evan's bday cake
3. Got a pedicure
4. Raced my nephew Isaac and lost
5. Ran a 5k (and got my best time ever!)
6. Hosted a bridal shower
7. Ate a piece of shower cake
8. Bought seven large mylar balloons with my cousin Kelci
9. Sang happy birthday to my cousin Angie
10. Ate a piece of Angie's bday cake
11. Collapsed on my favorite chair from exhaustion
12. Listened to my three four-year-old nephews jabber over breakfast
13. Pushed my nieces on the swings
14. Celebrated my grandparent's 60th anniversary
15. Watched a fun slide show full of family photos in celebration of above anniversary
16. Ate a piece of anniversary cake

4 pieces of cake later and the weekend is done and I am dead tired, but it was all worth it. Every calorie and every single memory.

bag o' books

I love books. So it is not surprising that I work with books, about books, and for books all day. I just love reading. Ever have since I was just a lil thing. But, my love of reading + my job at a publsihing house creates a BIG problems.

Stacks of books. Everywhere. I have a ton of books (boxes and bags upon boxes and bags) sitting in my basement that need good homes. Books that I got, read once, and then didn't care to keep. And I still have two decent sized bookscases in our office that are full of the keepers. The ones I go back and read over and over and over again.

Where do all these books come from? Well, a couple of times a year there is an employee sale at work. Now, we have an awesome discount every day for our books. But this sale is for items that get returned to us that aren't ours (really you would think bookstores would be smarter). It is a chance to pick up a ton of good reads that we don't publish. And get this, it is all for a donation. There are no set prices. It is a book lover's heaven.

So here is my bag of books sitting on my desk:

Don't be deceived. That is one of those fold up reusable bags I use for groceries. I stuffed a lot in that ole bag. Now, most of these are quick summer reads. This bag of 20 or so books will last me through the summer. Then the lot will get thrown in the basement with the other discarded books. But right now I can barely wait to get my claws into all those stories. And if they're lame, they'll just get to meet the basement pile sooner than later. The weekend cannot get here soon enough.

Chicago and ferrets?

I am in Chicago for an Internet Retailing Convention. Yippee! Chicago is really a lovely city. Which is exactly why I dislike that I am spending most of my time here in a convention center (though it really is quite nice). I am also bummed because one of the topics I was looking forward to discussing and learning more about got switched and now someone is talking about forums (still useful info), but forums about FERRETS. It is really hard for me not to laugh right now.

I think I am going to skip the last 10 minutes of this session and head to dinner early.

Anger

I think I have anger issues.

Even as I write this, it just seems weird. I am a happy person. I love to laugh. I am a people pleaser. I like to see other people around me happy. But to that end, I often get angry about things and never tell people. And that, my friends, is not a good way to live.

My anger outlet: sports. I regularly swear during softball (which, btw, is a church league). I get pissed off if I strike out, miss a ball, or make a bad play. And this is not the kind of angry that leaves easily. It definately penetrates the entire game. Even when I was in high school I became a completely different person when I played sports. The caring nice Megan flew out the window in favor of elbow jabs and jockeying for position on the basketball court.

And, really, it is not as if I am that upset over the game. Part of it is the fact that I may be doing poorly, or the team as a whole is losing. But there is something deeper there. The rage is boiling, not from the heat of the game, but from something deeper that simmers under my lid every day. I carry it around under wraps, only to unleash when a step onto the field or the court.



Ouch. Watching this hurts. It hurts because it is true. I am looking for a fight because I haven't already joined a big beautiful fight that can change this world.

So even though I may save the rage and anger for the softball field, it is not enough. Being generally happy and nice to people is not enough. I need to be angry and enraged about the things that matter. About health care and AIDS and orphans and widows and children who feel no love. It is not enough to put on a happy face and let the anger out during sports. I need to realign, readjust and let the anger come out in strangely beautiful ways. Like building houses for those who have none. Helping the single mom do yardwork. Visiting the kids at the neighborhood center. Microfinancing in Burundi. Because if the anger has to go somewhere, it might as well veer towards hope.

Project Deck: DONE

A year later, our deck is finally done! Memorial Day 2007 marked our beginning of the project and 365 days later (dang curing of wood!) we finally finished it up! Props to my amazing husband who designed, planned, and built it (I handed him tools and drilled where he told me to).

Phase 1 (June 2007): The basic structure - unfinished and without the railing or steps

Phase 2 (August 2007): Can't find the pictures... Railing up, minus the spindles

Phase 3 (may 2008): Stairs and spindles up, stain on, and caps in place

Welcome Back Summer!

What a great day. We started out our Sunday by sleeping in, going to 11:00 church, and having a nice leisurely lunch. Then we worked on our deck, which I am proud to say is now DONE. Completely. (We didn't actually finish until 10:45, so watch for photos tomorrow.)

Then we headed out with Scott and Kelly to meet up with Ryan and Renee at Tunnel Park in Holland. It was so incredibly gorgeous out. We played some beach volleyball, grilled out, and took a walk down to the beach. The stuff summer is made of. :)

Kevin and Megan

Renee and Ryan (Renee's first time through the Tunnel!)

Not only did Kevin and Scott go in Lake Michigan, they also swam all the way out to the buoy - the water was only 49 degrees! Pure craziness.

The girls opted to stay on the shore. :o)

To top the evening off, we had ice cream. :o) Because you can't go to the beach without going to Captain Sundae's. They just go hand in hand.

Maybe this is why I like to wear heels...

Pump up your pleasure*

Stepping out in heels not only makes you look sexy; it may make you feel sexier, too! Wearing up to 2-inch heels enourages you to contract (and strengthen!) your pelvic-floor muscles, which has been shown to enhance sexual arousal. Slip on your favorite pair of sexy shoes and take your love life to new heights!

*(taken from an email Self Magazine sends me) lol. gotta love it when something makes me laugh out loud at work.

All in the Family

Our weekend was spent primarily with my family. And like all familes, mine has its issues, but on the whole we love to get together and eat and talk loudly and laugh a ton.

Friday night was spent at the 'rents house with all of the kiddos. We fed the fish in the pond, took sled rides up and down the gigantic hills, looked at the kildear eggs (whoa those are BIG), and generally ran around my parents giant yard.

awww... Evan, my little pumpkin head

Natalie doing one of her many dances (there are also accompanying songs). This is a girl after her dear ole Aunt Meg's heart.

My three boys in a sled

My three boys still in a sled and a daddy on the ground (Boys are yelling - keep going! get up!) Needless to say, Josh pulled a muscle and was very sore the next day.

We're loud, sometimes obnoxious, we talk over each other and get into fights. But we also love deeply, chase kids around in laughter, appreciate good food, and rally together. And when we need someone, there is always someone there, beautifully, all in the family.

Chinese Dinner

Look at those lovely ladies!

Dinner was yummy. These ladies are awesome. I have great friends. :o)

happy happy joy joy

Happy - all day today (well except for maybe when we lost our softball game), but other than that it was a happy day. Brilliant.

Happy - tomorrow is Chinese dinner day! I miss seeing all of my friends together on a regular basis. Hold me to it - I need to take a picture of all of us at the our fav restaurant, First Wok.

Joy - My brother and fam are coming to town this weekend! I am ready for some time with my nephews, talks with Vicki, and the craziness that is Josh.

Joy - The weekend is soon and I can feel the excitement. My WHOLE family will be together Friday night and again on Saturday as Andy receives his MBA. Plus, it is the weekend. That says it all.

Prince Caspian Recap

Good times, good times. Prince Caspian was a stellar movie. Now, I have not read the books for a really long time, so I cannot really answer any purist questions about how well it sticks to the book. But, it is a great story. A classic story of good and evil always makes for an intriguing movie.

The best part, though, is that I saw it with my friend Aletha who is rather jumpy at movies and it was quite humorous to to listen to her gasp her way through the movie (and to be fair, I did my fair share of gasping as well). And I apologize to all those people who DON'T like to talk through movies, because Aletha and I sure do! Especially about the little romantic interest between Susan and Caspian. So cute...

So, you should go see it. It is not the best adventure/fantasy movie you'll ever see, but it was definately a fun movie. The scenery is beautiful, the music lovely, and the story so engaging that it made this 25 year old want to be a kid again magically transported to Narnia.

Biological Clock

"My biological clock is not even wound up yet."

That was always my standard reply to the question I have been getting for almost five years now: Don't you want to have a baby soon? Since the day we got married people have asked and hinted and prodded and joked about it. And I was always able to give my standard response. And it was always true. Because when you get married at twenty, the last thing on your mind is having a baby (at least it was the last thing on my mind). I was too busy trying to graduate from college, cook dinners, pay bills, live with a guy and learning to be a grown-up to even consider bringing another person into the mix.

Nowadays I don't really know how to answer that question.

I can't honestly say my ole standard response. Because it is not true. I feel some ticking nested deep in my belly. I can hear it at the weirdest times. Like when I take my dog for a walk and think that someday I am going to have to walk the dog and push a stroller. tick tick tick. Last night when Kevin and I were both lazing around enjoying Sunday and I knew that times like these are precious because one day there will be lovely kiddos beautifully occupying our time. tick tick tick.

Now, we had a bit of a crazy scare in March where I thought I was pregnant (the doctor said I was viably pregnant, yeah, I don't get it either). I broke down crying I was so distraught. Then I called my friend Stro and cried and laughed at the term "viably pregnant." I really REALLY did not want to be pregnant and looking back I think that it was not so much the being pregnant part I would have minded, it was the timing. It was not what I had in mind for 2008, thank you very much! But somewhere in between the craziness and multiple blood tests and baby dreams and not knowing what was going on and ultrasounds, the ticking began.

So, here I am with a wound up biological clock and no where to go, teetering on the edge of something monumental. And everytime I see a baby something inside me simultaneously yearns and screams "Don't do it!" So, if you ask me if I am going to have kids anytime soon, expect to get a whole lot of silence. Because at this point, I have no idea and somewhere deep down the clock just keeps on ticking.

Spring Things

These are a few of my favorite (spring) things...
Ain't nothin' but a spring thang, baby...

I couldn't help it. These are a couple of songs that just popped right into my head after I typed the blog title. Julie Andrews and Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre - gotta love it!

I love spring and in Michigan we are lucky if we get one. Sometimes we make the giant leap from snow and 30 degrees to humidity and 90 degrees. 2008 has been good to us, though, and I am completely enjoying spring. Here are a couple of reasons why:

1. Lilacs - mine are blooming and they are so pretty and smell so gosh darn good. Everytime I take Brody on a walk I get a nice whiff. They remind me of my mom and being a kid. Must be something about how they bloom around Mother's Day and the fact that we had a ton of lilac bushes growing up and my mom would always have vases full of them in the house.

2. Softball - I have a strange passion for softball (I think it is a way for me to get my competiveness out). Our first game was last and I am happy to say that the Grey Squirrels (it is a long story) were victorious! It was a ton of fun and I only slipped and said a couple of swears. Considering it is a church league, pray that I will learn to keep my mouth shut.

3. My hammock - I love reading in my hammock and am looking so forward to doing so soon. We have been so crazed lately that I haven't had the time, but it is on the short list of things I must do very soon!

I feel like I should have posted some pics of my lilac bush, our softball team or my hammock. Maybe I should start copying my friend Aletha and bring my camera everywhere so I have lovely pics to show. :o)

Go out and get your spring on, people!

Tagged.

My friend Baa tagged me.
I am: sick. :o(
I know: I am loved.
I want: to see my brother Josh.
I wish: I could travel all of the time and not work.
I hate: nothing. Hate is a really strong word.
I miss: the naivete of childhood.
I fear: not living every moment to the fullest.
I feel: deeply.
I hear: the copier.
I smell: nothing - dang cold!
I crave: time in my hammock.
I search: for beauty in everything.
I regret: being overly careful.
I love: my husband fiercely.
I ache: for world peace. seriously.
I care: about what God cares about.
I always: laugh.
I am not: sure what God has next for me in life.
I believe: that this world is beautiful.
I dance: with my dog and very poorly.
I sing: all of the time.
I cry: at sappy movies and when I feel alone.
I fight: only when I feel strongly about something.
I write: a lot of nothing.
I win: when I put my mind to it.
I lose: poorly.
I never: want to forget that every person was created in God's image.
I confuse: my husband on a daily basis.
I am scared: of just how mean I can be sometimes.
I need: hugs from Kevin all of the time.
I am happy about: my life.
I hope: that I can leave this world a better place.

I tag Emily - you know you want to!

Prince Caspian

So, I get to work today and check the emails that poured in over the weekend: the usual spam, newsletters, work emails ... AND an invitation to an early screening of Prince Caspian! Our company had an early screening for The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, but I was trying not to get my hopes up for Caspian. I really wanted to see it, though, and am really excited that I get to 1. see if for free and 2. see it 4 days before it opens. :) This Monday just got a whole lot brighter.

my new obsession

I have become obsessed with BBC, especially their movie adaptations of classics. I blame this all on PBS who decided to air all of the BBC Jane Austen adaptations earlier this year. And now I just can't seem to get enough. My Netflix queue is jam packed with BBC movies that I am sure Kevin is not really going to want to see.

It also creates another problem: I have all of these books that I want to re-read or read for the first time. How did I ever get through school (and an English major) without ever having to read Elizabeth Glaskell? My library should be on alert for all of the books I am going to be putting on hold.

I rationalize all of this obsession as research for our trip to England, Ireland, and Scotland next spring. But really, what am I going to learn about planning a trip from 19th century literature? (except that I may have to stop at all of the places these books were written and set in - please say a prayer that Kevin doesn't kill me for it) So, if the next time you see me I am gushing about Cranford, North & South or Wives & Daughters, I apologize in advance. Just chalk it up the literature/movie geek part getting the best of me.

This weekend w/ the Hoeksemas

I had a superb, albeit busy, weekend. It deserves a run through day by day.

Friday

I worked from home in the morning, took Brody to the boarder's, picked Kevin up from work and we were off to the Tiger's game! They lost (boo), but it was a good game and we had pretty sweet seats. It was our first game of the year and the weather was b-e-a-utiful. All and all it was a great night.

Yay for really good seats!

After the game and CRAZY traffic in the D (at one point we were stuck in the middle of an intersection, blocked on three sides by cars), we made our way to a hotel in Mount Clemens, which leads us to...

Saturday

We woke up and headed to Chesterfield to pick up a console record player we found on Craig's List. We have been collecting records lately and needed something to play them on. Too bad that the guy kind of exaggerated how well it worked. We got it home and found out it only plays 78s well and all of our records are 33s and 45s. So, we need to get those speeds fixed so we can actually listen to it!

Notice the screwdriver and the back that is off and sitting on the top... Anyone know anything about fixing record players?

Once we got home Kevin tried to get the record player to work (while watching draft coverage) and I headed to the mall to get Kevin's gma a present for her bday. Then it was off to Holland for the bday celebration at Boatwerks. By the time we got home at 9:30, I was dead tired. I took Brody for a walk, laid down to read and promptly fell asleep with book in hand and the lights on.

Sunday

It was my week off from working with the babies at church, so we slept in and went to the 11 service. I really love our church and always look forward to going and learning something each Sunday. Today's service really impacted me; I was very emotional and raw when we left. And what did I do with all of the spiritual know-how I gleaned over the last hour? Picked a fight with Kevin over NOTHING on our way to small group (I am such a punk). Sometimes I wonder if I really truly learn anything. It is a lesson in God's grace that this world keeps on turning. So, we were off to small group at the Callendar's, but the Bremers were gone and Layne was not feeling so hot, so it was cut a wee short. Rory and Jenni did make us FAB frappucinos. YUM!

After small group we ran home, changed our clothes and headed off to softball practice. There were only five of us, but it was still pretty fun. I am way too excited for the season to start (come on May 7!). Oh, and let's not forget to mention that I hit Cathy in the face with a softball which left stich marks in her chin. To my (and Cathy's) defense, Kevin was messing around and totally blocked Cathy's view of the ball until it was too late. :( I tell you, don't mess with the Grey Squirrels - we mean business when it comes to softball, even if it means taking one to the face.

Whew, now we are back home and enjoying the evening before heading into the work week (oh joy!). Happy Monday Eve everyone!