Feeling Sexy

Do you have one of those things that just makes you feel sexy? beautiful? confidant? For me, having my toes painted is one of those things. One of those small, tiny details that can make my outlook on myself and my world shift completely, tilt and merge into something clear. Silly? yes. True? absolutely.

I've always struggled with image and the idea of feeling sexy. I never felt pretty or thin or elegant or put together enough to deserve sexy. I spent the better part of my college years controlling my diet and excerise counting calories as one pulling petals from a daisy, "I love me. I love me not. I love me. I love me not." Tedious work to control something so tightly. Sometimes you don't even realize that it has begun to control you.

In one of my favorite books the author relays his wife's answer to their son's question "Mom, what does sexy mean? Her response? "Sexy is when it feels good to be in your own skin. Your own body feels right, it feels comfortable. Sexy is when you love being you."

Amen. It rings true and touches something in me, deep in my gut. Laid out so simply. Naked sexiness. It starts inside, before the layers of mascara and eye liner, before cup size and size 6 and sucking in, before the mirrors and measurements and the questions of am I good enough. It begins with loving yourself.

And each day it is a struggle for me. I wake up and remind myself that I am created in God's image. Not only my soul, but my body, every single inch of it. And some days it is easier. And some days I teeter on despair that I will never beat this thing; the battle is never done. And on those days, I paint my toenails, call in the calvary, if you will, and try to reach inside to find the cool comfort that comes from completely and simply loving yourself.