Rambling Fancy

Today

2009-10-28T10:14:00.003-04:00

I tend to negate the present. I live for what will be, this five-year goal, and that thing I will achieve down the road. So lately I am trying to live in the present, enjoy what each day brings: the things I can revel is now that I might not be able to in 5 years when we have kids. The trips we can take, the time Kevin and I can spend together, the long walks I can take with Brody, and the basic selfishness I can have at this moment in my life.

And this isn't easy. Unfortunately, I was born a coveter - always wanting something else. In high school I could not wait until I graduated and got the heck out of dodge. In college, I couldn't wait to "be an adult" with a real job. Now I find myself looking back and wishing I could have told my 15 and 20 year old selves to just settle down and enjoy. Changing my coveting attitude and appreciating what I have now is not as easy as repeating the 10th commandment over and over. It comes with learning the beauty in the small things I have now. The awareness that God has given me what I need for this moment in time. The security I have in my future because, ultimately, my life is in God's hands.

So I don't have this or that or my five-year plan is tracking more to be a 10-year plan. I have today and in the words of Mother Teresa, "We have only today. Let us begin."

sadness

2009-09-22T09:10:00.001-04:00

Though the world looks bright in a different light, it’s hard to understand the dark I feel inside my heart. - Rachel Diggs, Winter Sky

Sometimes you just have to let sadness run its course. You have to grieve the what might have been or could have been before you can appreciate the what is now. You can’t wish away sadness. You can’t always tell yourself to “buck up” and feel better. Sometimes pep talks fail to stitch up an open wound or rub a balm on a broken heart.

Yesterday I cried big fat tears in stall #1 at work. I tried stopping them. I tried telling myself that I was being ridiculous. I tried cheering myself up by listening to my baby brother’s ridiculous voicemail. But I still just needed to cry. To let it all out: the dissipated hope, the ache, the terrifying feel of failure.

Because sometimes you know that things are going to get better. That the world is bright in a different kind of light, but tears under fluorescent bulbs are all you can handle.

The Secret Weapon of Women

2009-04-21T09:27:00.000-04:00

The dress. Yes, my friends, the dress. Put one on and suddenly you get all of these compliments. Put one on and you somehow feel pretty, more feminine. Put one on, add some simple jewelry and you have an instant outfit – no standing in front of the closet holding up combinations of shirts, skirts, pants, sweaters, and capris together only to put it on, not like it, and start over again.

I am that someone who has spent many a day changing outfits, putting on one shirt and then another and then changing my pants and then my shoes until my husband says, “What are you doing? You looked fine with what you had one 10 minutes ago.” Yeah, well, I don’t really want to look just fine, thank-you-very-much.

So, last summer I happened upon some GREAT dress deals at Target (we are talking like $8 and $12 here) and I was hooked. I wore the flirty 50’s style shirt dress and the navy blue and white seersucker all summer long. So, when fall rolled in, I invested in two sweater dresses. One of which I am wearing today.

This past Saturday I moved my summer dresses up to the closet – ready to go once the weather gets warm enough. Ready for those days where I need a little pick-me-up, a little instant-pretty.

climbing my family tree

2009-04-07T15:12:00.000-04:00

I’ve been doing some genealogical research in preparation for our trip to Ireland which is both fun and maddening (going through loads of census records without getting a drop of new information can get pretty boring). Here are some of my gleaned insights on the Gormley family:

1. Don’t name your son Henry. It doesn’t seem to end well since three of the Henrys in my family tree died prematurely.
2. Don’t tell the above tidbit to your brother who then confides that Henry is their top boys name. Crap.
3. Don’t go logging. Two men have died via logging. So, dad, stay away from cutting down trees, ok?
4. People were not real original with names. In three generations there were 6 Thomases, 5 Peters, 5 Janes, 6 Henrys, 5 Sarahs, and 5 Margarets.
5. It was apparently ok to marry a cousin back in the day… thank goodness that was not in my direct family tree…

What the family tree doesn’t tell me is what provoked my widowed great-great-great-great grandfather to immigrate from Ireland with his nine children just before the potato famine in Ireland. Why did they settle in Canada before heading to Michigan? All of the census records in the world aren’t going to be able to tell me that. Which makes me want to lug a tape recorder to my three living grandparents and record their stories. Not just the where and when and what but the why and the how.

I seriously have no idea what to title this

2009-02-23T10:10:00.000-05:00

It’s not been a good day. And it is only 10. Couldn’t sleep last night. (Bless Kevin, who put up with my whining and finally got me to go to sleep.) Woke up early (5:30) for swimming with Kelly. We drove all the way to the pool which was closed. Drove home, got ready, drove to work, had a meeting, cried. Am now miserably tired and crabby and have red eyes.

Forecast for the rest of the day is not looking to get much better either. My brother is moving to Seattle and tonight is his going away party. I know I will cry. I know my mom will cry. As my truth-telling friend Aletha said this weekend: “What is the big deal? It is not like he is dying!” Yes, I know. But he is quite possibly my best friend aside from Kevin and I am going to miss him. Horribly.

Am crying again so I am just going to stop this post right here.

just get me through

2009-01-30T11:30:00.004-05:00

Certain days deserve certain music. Today I am majorly stressed and I need songs that that just get me through. Songs that make me feel better because I like them that much. This is one of those songs for me. Plus, I love the line "baby I'm a man, I was born to hate." Makes me laugh!

Confessions

2009-01-28T11:47:00.003-05:00

1. I have gained 15 pounds since getting married. Blech. Thus the new resolve to run more.
2. I don't read my Bible. Well, regularly at least. And I work for the world's leading Bible publisher. And I own at least 10 Bibles.
3. I love to sing. At one time I was good at it. I don't really sing anywhere anymore except to my dog or my husband or when I randomly break into song.
4. I had an eating disorder in college. I have never said/typed that before, but let's just call things what they are, shall we?
5. I have a complete lack of follow-through. I started my first novel when I was 10, and have started dozens of so since then. And haven't finished a darn one.

Music to run to

2009-01-27T10:37:00.002-05:00

I need some new songs to listen to while I workout. I am training for a 10k and have been running 4 days a week so I am getting pretty sick of my current playlists. Got any ideas for me?

Jenna Fischer shared her list with SELF magazine, so I might poach some from there. What do you like to listen to when you are kicking some ass?

A little sad

2009-01-21T15:53:00.002-05:00

So maybe more than a little. My brother is moving to Seattle. Right now he lives fifteen minutes away. In less than a month he will be 3 time zones away. I am really happy for him and Karaline. I am excited for this new chapter in their lives.

But I am also a lot sad for me. A lot. And now I am going to concentrate on not crying for the last hour of work.

Today is a great day.

2009-01-14T09:53:00.001-05:00

Somedays I just feel euphoric. This is one of those days. There is no special reason. It is just a good day. And days like these remind me to push through the crappy times (like all last week – pure crap). Because life is life. And you will have moments that make your heart ache. And you will have moments of joy that make you want to sing or burst or move or dance or do something to physically show how emotionally full/complete/whole you feel.

So if today is not one of your euphoric days, hang in there. They are just around the corner. And if it is one of those lovely days for you, hold on to it and savor the goodness.

On Being Alone

2008-12-29T12:08:00.000-05:00

I have forgotten how to be alone. This weekend Kevin was out of town for work, so it was just me and the dog. I usually like a little “me” time here and there when Kevin is out of the house and I can throw in a chick flick or read a good book and not feel guilty that I am ignoring the love of my life. But 2 days of alone time is a little much for me, so I called in the troops – my sisters and my mom – for a girls’ night on Saturday.

But then I got sick. Girls night was off. And I was alone. And sick. And very whiney about it.

What to do when you are alone and sick? I watched a ton of movies (all three Pirates movies and even a couple of dumb Lifetime movies). Read a book. Slept. Sat on the floor with my dog. I got really sick of being alone. I am really not that good at it for more than a day.

Maybe I was never good at being alone. I went from a big family of eight to a college dorm of 300 to a house of 6 girls to a wee apartment with one man. But I have always been surrounded. Never on my own. Weird. Because I am NOT a people person or extrovert at ALL. Just ask my friends or my husband, one thing I say all of the time is “I hate talking to people.” Then they remind me that I don’t hate talking to people, I hate talking to people I don’t know. Which is true. I find it tedious and uncomfortable which generally makes it unbearable. So I don’t like to be alone. And I don’t enjoy throngs of unknown people. I am an intro-extrovert. Or something like that.

So I am glad that Kevin is coming home today. I am glad that I had to drag my butt out of bed today to go to work so that I could interact with the few co-workers that are in the office this week. I am glad for small doses of alone time but even more glad that most of my time is full of the people I love and whom I throw all of my extrovertedness to.

Hope

2008-12-18T12:22:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I left work early to see Twilight with two of my favorite ladies, Aletha and Baa. I was super excited after reading the book to see the movie. Who can resist a little vampire love? And as I was driving and listening to the radio, the dj started talking about new research that suggested that romantic comedies are harmful to women. I have heard this all before… false ideas of love and romance that are impossible in real life. One article I read previously even suggested that romantic comedies are as dangerous to women as porn is to men – Unrealistic view of romance vs. unrealistic view of the female body and sex. Hhhmmmm…

Now, I love me some romantic comedies. And I love vampire love stories. I love any kind of love story. I know that most of them are just that – stories. They are not real and probably could never be real. After all, we live in a broken world that is incapable of pure love . But this will not keep me from watching them. There is power in story. There is hope in watching love conquer all. Joy in watching good trounce evil. Even if the good is the good girl getting the guy and the evil is in the form of misunderstanding.

When it comes down to it, I love story. Because, after all, a well-crafted story is about hope. Yes, the story we read or see today may be unrealistic for the time we live in, but one day our story, the world’s story, will have an end. Love will conquer all, because, after all, God wins, love wins. So in the meantime I am going to keep on watching my romantic comedies and reading the Twilight series and living in the already not here space. I am going to cling to hope in any form I can find.

trees

2008-11-25T18:48:00.004-05:00

Right now our street is full of naked trees. All of these mighty oaks and proud maples who only weeks ago blazed and strutted in the wind now sit muted against the gray landscape. The 50-year-old trees in our “baby boom” neighborhood were one of the reasons I fell in love with our house. They let me know spring is coming with their tiny shoots; they provide an anchor and shade for my hammock in the summer; they wave the banner for fall. And then, in winter, they are stilled. And in their quietness and bareness I find another reason to love them.

In the town near where I grew up there was a movie theater called The Broadway . A glorious one-screen theater from pre-multiplex days in which you could conjure up images of people going to see Gone with the Wind or The Philadelphia Story or Casablanca. And in that theater, on either side of the screen, giant wall murals of Adam and Eve watched over every frame and every movie goer and every balcony makeout session. I remember just stariing at those murals when I was little and wondering at their blank faces and the fig leaves painted on just so. You knew, because of the fig leaves, that this was an after-the-fall Adam and Eve. After they got booted out of Eden. After they felt the first icey prick of shame. After their pride pushed the first domino in the blame game. And their human shame and pride made them cover themselves. And humankind’s shame and pride has been handing us fig leaves ever since.

I am thankful for the trees on our street. Because I have covered up. I have clenched my fists to hold on to the projected me. The me that needs to be right. The me that needs to look a certain way and get certain sort of attention. The me that wants success and praise. The me that tweaks a story just enough to shine the light favorably on me. The me that is terrified of nakedness. The me who, even though my palms may bleed with the cut of nails, can’t bring myself to pry my hands open and just. let. go. But every time I walk outside or drive in my car or glance out the window at work I see them. And something about their stark imagery is comforting, their crooked symmetry, beautiful. And it reminds my weary body to open up my clenched fists and let it all fall.

Cherry Pie

2008-11-19T13:58:00.003-05:00

I just had some magnificent cherry pie from Grand Traverse Pie Company. Now, I am not a huge fan of pie, but this stuff is just so yum! If you are in the GR area, I suggest you promptly go get a piece (or two, or a whole pie!).

So, I am thankful for cherry pie - it is the little things in life, people.

Night Sky

2008-11-17T22:36:00.003-05:00

My love affair with the stars (twinkly ones, not the Hollywood variety) began way back in the early years. My dad, science guru that he is, would take me to the observatory at the local college on clear summer nights and show me the stars. The magic is embedded in the memory of the feel of my purple sweatshirt (to ward the chill of early summer nights) and the light of a million radiant stars viewed through a giant telescope.

It continued through nights on the back deck with my mom and dad, picking out constellations, waiting for eclipses, or meteor showers. The blackness pin pricked with needles of light fascinated me and I would stay outside long after the hour and cold had chased my parents inside.

In high school I thought I wanted to by an astrophysicist. And in all of his science teacher glory my dad researched the ins and outs of becoming an astrophysicist. And he brought all the research home to me. And I promptly realized that I was in love with the romanticism of the stars, not the science of them. And then I went and broke my dad's heart and became an English major.

So in college the only vestige of my love of the stars was the cliche Starry Night poster and an astronomy general science class tucked amidst thick Norton Anthologies and piles of poetry chapbooks. Now my love affair pops into my evening walks with Brody. Nights like this one where the night sky is peeking out from beneath silvery clouds and I spend much of the walk with my neck craned upwards. And every little star takes me back to all of those moments with my dad. Each one reminds me that I am thankful for him, for always believing in me and loving me and for all of those magic moments together under the night sky.

kayleigh

2008-11-11T21:38:00.002-05:00

Yesterday started with snow and a peaceful walk with my dog. It ended with meeting our friends' new baby Kayleigh. Sandwiched between those beautiful moments there was a whole lot of Monday going on. A whole lot of deadlines and meetings and thinking and brain storming and problem solving and problem making and dealing with people and general work.

But the moment I touched Kayleigh's so smooth baby skin, smelled her newness and heard her perfect coos it made the rest stop. It was a collision, a halt, a fizzle and pop and then a nothingness. In her newness I was rewinded, taken back to the stillness of a morning walk and the picture of the swirling snow covering the gray landscape.

So today and always I am thankful for, simply and purely, life.

singing bug

2008-11-06T09:54:00.003-05:00

I have written about Bug before. She is the sweetest little two-year-old. One of the reasons I love her so much is because she is a lot like me, hehe. I randomly break into song or sing songs about random things. Most people look at me a little strangely when this occurs. Bug looks at me and then joins in the singing. Last night I was over at her house babysitting for a little while. As we went upstairs to get ready for bed, I started singing a random pajama song that consisted of the brilliant lyrics, “I’m puttin’ my pajamas on, I’m puttin’ my pajamas on.” And, of course, she just smiled and joined right in all through the puttin’ on pajama process. And it just made me incredibly thankful that my singing bug got passed on to my singing Bug.

*Note, so I have noticed that there is a lot of singing that goes on in my life. A singing mom, a singing niece. It really is no wonder that I sing all of the freakin' time. I blame it on genetics.

Kevin

2008-11-05T15:35:00.004-05:00

I am thankful for my husband.

sunshine and a singing mom

2008-11-03T22:36:00.002-05:00

It is November 3rd. In gloomy Michigan. And the sun is shining. So, today I am thankful for the sunshine and a singing mom.

Singing mom? When I was little my mom sang a song to me all of the time that went a little something like this:

"So let the sun shine in. Face it with a grin. Smilers never lose and frowners never win. So let the sun shine in."

And she would dance around in her little mom way and it, of course, always made me smile. So whenever the sun is shining, and today was one of those beautiful sun-shiney days, I think of my mom dancing around the living room singing. And it still makes me smile.

thankful

2008-11-02T22:03:00.008-05:00

November is the month of thanks, of being grateful. We dedicate an entire turkey-eating holiday to it. So it is my goal in November to write something about something each day that I am thankful for. One thing that makes this plain little life so incredibly full. And since I missed yesterday, here are two.

My friends. Today I spent the better part of my day laughing and singing and walking and getting lost in the woods and watching North & South (BBC) with three of the best women in the world. Everyday I get crazy emails from at least one of them that makes my cheeks hurt from smiling. I can't imagine walking this stretch of my life without them.

My new running shoes. Yes, shoes. And the actual running part. I feel so incredibly connected to my body when I run. When I can feel each muscle and each breath straining to move me forward. When I know I could stop at any moment and yet I don't. It is hard to hate your body when you can feel it working, when you are cheering it on to go faster and to go harder and to be better. Each time I run it helps me love myself just a little bit more. It helps me to look into the mirror and be ok with everything I see. Last night I went for a run at 11 pm because I needed to feel that. I needed to be connected to myself and get outside of myself all at the same time. And so I ran.

Those are just two of a million things. I am excited to see what will pop up in the coming days and weeks. How about you - what are you thankful for?

September Recap

2008-10-01T20:50:00.008-04:00

Holy crap - it is already October! September was quite busy... so here is a little recap:

+ visited my good friend at her new awesome job

+ watched my lil baby bro get married (pictures)

+ Went to Silver Lake with my fav girls

+ picked apples with the fam

+ took our annual camping trip to Ludington

+ got a promotion

+ cut my hair (picture)

I cut my hair

2008-09-30T08:46:00.000-04:00

That's all!

camping

2008-09-23T14:56:00.003-04:00

Kevin and I are headed off to our annual fall camping trip in Ludington. I am looking forward to long hikes, campfires, walks, crisp air, runs with Brody, and reconnecting with the beauty that is Ludington. Not only the natural landscape beauty, but the beauty that resides in a place full of memories of the first date, the big question, and enduring sparkling joy.

(extra)ordinary

2008-09-18T22:12:00.003-04:00

Like most people, I wait for the moments in life that blow me away. I dreamt about them when I was little, back on the grass, limbs splayed, staring into the clouds and dreaming of grown up days, first kisses, veils and pearls, and a baby's first cry. I dreamt of drama, extreme highs and lows like some heroine from the novels I buried myself in. I craved those moments in my own life and in the lives of others, others' weddings, others' loves, others' children. The ebbs and flows of my life hinged on these moments coming rapid fire. High school graduation, college, a first love and kiss, an engagement, a wedding, a love that filled my whole being to capacity.

But nowadays it seems like I am stuck in the ordinary. A friend I hadn't seen in about a year stopped by a couple of weeks ago and asked what was new. I was stumped. It seemed like I had nothing to tell her. My life consisted of getting up, going to work, coming home, and doing it all over again. Routine, there and back again and then again. I was brought face-to-face with the fact that my life is a wee mundane. A little disheartening. But even so, I am happy.

The moments in between, the cracks in the extras of life have their own little melody. They skip and sing along like they are life's grandest treasures. The crisp air breezing by my face while pumping gas, the plinking rain against my toes, the whisper of a page turned in a favorite book - they all jump up from the ordinary rhythm and fuse a beat, something that sounds more than ordinary, something that feels a lot like dancing.

Bug

2008-09-16T09:10:00.003-04:00

This is Bug, my two-year-old niece:

I just called my mom and Bug insisted on talking to me (I could hear her in the background saying "I talk to Aunt Megan." And then her sweet little voice said "Hi Aunt Megan." And it made my day. Her conversational skills on the phone don't go much further than that, but just a simple hello from my niece made my day. She is such a little sweetheart.

Pictures!

2008-09-10T09:24:00.018-04:00

My family=crazy
Weddings=beautiful
my family weddings=crazy beautiful
Enjoy the pics!

The rehearsal dinner:

Getting ready...

The wedding (sorry there are not a ton of shots... I handed my camera off to my sister)

After the wedding...

Holy Beautiful Weather!

2008-09-05T08:56:00.002-04:00

Anyone who lives where I do is saying, what? It is rainy and ucky outside. Yes, I know this. BUT, check out the weather for tomorrow: BEAUTIFUL! And, since my lil baby bro is getting married tomorrow, it makes the great weather forecast even better. Not to mention the fact that it will be easier to squeeze myself into my dress in non-sweltering non-humid weather. :o) I am sure I will have plenty of pics to post on Sunday, so make sure to check back!

Yay for Google!

2008-08-12T23:26:00.003-04:00

So, we are working on planning our England, Ireland, and Scotland trip. Which means we sit around, both of us with laptops going and guidebooks handy, and look for flight deals, ferry info, places to go see etc. This is my favorite tool so far:

This shows a bunch of the notable filming locations from Pride & Prejudice and since I am a big geek this made me incredibly happy! I mean, you click on the little film icon and it shows you what locations were shot there! Seriously cool and seriously helpful for this visual learner. :o)
View Larger Map

I heart camping

2008-08-11T20:45:00.009-04:00

I do. Everything about it. This weekend was our annual camping trip with the Van Dykes, Van Dyks, and Texers at Silver Lake. Here are some highlights:

Ice cream. I love it and can eat it all the time. Lucky for me, we went out for it a couple of times over the weekend. :o)

Reading. I also love reading and it was nice to have an extended amount of time to devote to it. Thank the Lord I have friends who also like to read and we are all comfortable sitting around and reading together. I finished North and South and it is now on my list of all time favorite books! (If you look closely, you'll see we did occasionally abandon our books to do stuff)

Outdoor Exercise. I love that I got to exercise out doors doing things I don't normally do - climbing massive sand dunes and swimming. I was pretty tired out after that!

Friends. It was great to hang out with everyone - fun around the fire, mini-golfing, ice cream, swimming - it was just all around fun.

Planning for EIS. This mini vacay gave us time to start planning our May trip to England, Ireland and Scotland. Our travel book got put to good use on the beach! Europe here we come!

blueberries. baa. brilliant.

2008-08-01T16:50:00.002-04:00

My friend Baa and I made good use of our afternoon off and went to pick blueberries - yum yum! It was my first time out this season, but I plan to go many many more times. Picking blueberries is fun, but picking with a good friend is even more fun. Baa and I talked and talked and I am pretty sure made the people around us laugh (or at least move down a couple of rows to get away from us).

Now I am waiting for Kevin to get home so we can head out to celebrate five years of marriage. Holy crap - five years! It just seems insane that we have been married for that long. We are headed out for dinner and a night at the Amway Grand and then tomorrow (our actual anniversary) we are headed out to South Haven for fun times with some of Kevin's college friends. The weekend is just getting started and I am PUMPED. I mean, a weekend that starts with blueberry picking is bound to be awesome.

My Little Baby Brother

2008-07-29T14:41:00.001-04:00

I love my brother, Andy. He is seriously one of the funniest and craziest people I know. As siblings we are fairly different. I am more reserved with people (until I get to know them) and Andy makes it his life’s mission to get to know as many people as possible. He is charismatic and could make the devil go to confession. He is multi-talented (right now I am eating cheesecake that he made with raspberries from his garden). He is thoughtful (he also brought a piece of that cheesecake in for my friend Baa). He is giving. He drives me crazy with his spontaneity, but it also one of the things I like best about him. He is just an overall great little baby brother (and yes, he is neither smaller nor younger than me). He leaves me crazy voicemails all of the time (the latest was to ask me how the cheesecake was and tell me that he catches the rain down in Africa – bonus points if you know what he is referencing). He instilled a love in me for stupid 80’s music and softball. I hated him in middle school (and he hated me back) and in high school he became my protector, confidante and late-night-errand-runner-partner. Here’s to you, Drew, the bestest big bro a girl could have.

You know you are old when...

2008-07-20T22:43:00.002-04:00

Merry-go-rounds are no longer make you feel merry, but more like you may want to puke. I loved merry-go-rounds when I was little. It was exciting to hold on tight and watch the world zoom around you, wind through pig tails, all the adrenaline rush a four-year-old can handle. Well, somewhere between 4 and 25 something changed.

Today I am at the Gormley family reunion running around with my niece and nephew. Natalie wants to go on the merry-go-round, and since she is two and liable to decide that walking while the merry-go-round is going is a good idea, I offered to be the good aunt and ride along with her. I love Natalie. I love merry-go-rounds. Kind of a no brainer. But after a couple of rounds of "faster, FASTER!" being yelled by Kyle, I was feeling quite sick. That's right. Sick, from a merry-go-round. I must be getting old. LAME.

On a separate note, 25 must be the age where people automatically assume you are going to have babies soon, or have one cooking in your belly. As I climbed off the merry-go-round and passed Natalie off to Kevin for MGR duties, my cousin said, "Nauseous? You have a baby in that belly?" To which Kevin and I both responded emphatically, "No." Seriously, I am going to get a shirt that says "No. I am not. Please stop asking." or a favorite response from my friend Rachel, "I don't have any ovaries." That should shut them up. :o)

Fun on the job

2008-07-14T12:01:00.002-04:00

I work with Web sites all day at a Christian publishing house. One of the projects we are working on is a user review/comment function. Since I am the "business owner" for this project, the programmer came to me to get a list of words that would be filtered out if they were entered. Yes, I had to come up with a list of swear words. The thing is, I started and realized there was no WAY I was going to come up with them all myself. So I enlisted my friend Baa, and we enlisted our friend Becky, and still we were stumped. So, I asked one of my IT friends for a list. I mean, such a thing must already exist, right? The list exists and WHOA is it crazy. Some of the words I had never seen written down before and there were some that I didn't even know the meaning of (and I don't consider myself to be THAT naive). The list had close to 300 words - whoever knew there were that many vulgar words and sayings out there! We got a good laugh out of it though - picture three girls in Christian publishing trying to come up with all possible swear words. :) Just more fun on the job!

I'm sorry you feel that way

2008-07-09T10:46:00.002-04:00

I hate that phrase. Because people say it when they don't think that they have done anything wrong. It essentially says, "Your feelings are wrong and I am sorry that your feelings are messed up, but I am still right."

It is a load of bull.

This Weekend I...

2008-06-30T22:29:00.003-04:00

1. Sang happy birthday to my nephew, Evan
2. Ate a piece of Evan's bday cake
3. Got a pedicure
4. Raced my nephew Isaac and lost
5. Ran a 5k (and got my best time ever!)
6. Hosted a bridal shower
7. Ate a piece of shower cake
8. Bought seven large mylar balloons with my cousin Kelci
9. Sang happy birthday to my cousin Angie
10. Ate a piece of Angie's bday cake
11. Collapsed on my favorite chair from exhaustion
12. Listened to my three four-year-old nephews jabber over breakfast
13. Pushed my nieces on the swings
14. Celebrated my grandparent's 60th anniversary
15. Watched a fun slide show full of family photos in celebration of above anniversary
16. Ate a piece of anniversary cake

4 pieces of cake later and the weekend is done and I am dead tired, but it was all worth it. Every calorie and every single memory.

bag o' books

2008-06-20T12:18:00.003-04:00

I love books. So it is not surprising that I work with books, about books, and for books all day. I just love reading. Ever have since I was just a lil thing. But, my love of reading + my job at a publsihing house creates a BIG problems.

Stacks of books. Everywhere. I have a ton of books (boxes and bags upon boxes and bags) sitting in my basement that need good homes. Books that I got, read once, and then didn't care to keep. And I still have two decent sized bookscases in our office that are full of the keepers. The ones I go back and read over and over and over again.

Where do all these books come from? Well, a couple of times a year there is an employee sale at work. Now, we have an awesome discount every day for our books. But this sale is for items that get returned to us that aren't ours (really you would think bookstores would be smarter). It is a chance to pick up a ton of good reads that we don't publish. And get this, it is all for a donation. There are no set prices. It is a book lover's heaven.

So here is my bag of books sitting on my desk:

Don't be deceived. That is one of those fold up reusable bags I use for groceries. I stuffed a lot in that ole bag. Now, most of these are quick summer reads. This bag of 20 or so books will last me through the summer. Then the lot will get thrown in the basement with the other discarded books. But right now I can barely wait to get my claws into all those stories. And if they're lame, they'll just get to meet the basement pile sooner than later. The weekend cannot get here soon enough.

Chicago and ferrets?

2008-06-10T17:40:00.004-04:00

I am in Chicago for an Internet Retailing Convention. Yippee! Chicago is really a lovely city. Which is exactly why I dislike that I am spending most of my time here in a convention center (though it really is quite nice). I am also bummed because one of the topics I was looking forward to discussing and learning more about got switched and now someone is talking about forums (still useful info), but forums about FERRETS. It is really hard for me not to laugh right now.

I think I am going to skip the last 10 minutes of this session and head to dinner early.

Anger

2008-06-05T11:55:00.002-04:00

I think I have anger issues.

Even as I write this, it just seems weird. I am a happy person. I love to laugh. I am a people pleaser. I like to see other people around me happy. But to that end, I often get angry about things and never tell people. And that, my friends, is not a good way to live.

My anger outlet: sports. I regularly swear during softball (which, btw, is a church league). I get pissed off if I strike out, miss a ball, or make a bad play. And this is not the kind of angry that leaves easily. It definately penetrates the entire game. Even when I was in high school I became a completely different person when I played sports. The caring nice Megan flew out the window in favor of elbow jabs and jockeying for position on the basketball court.

And, really, it is not as if I am that upset over the game. Part of it is the fact that I may be doing poorly, or the team as a whole is losing. But there is something deeper there. The rage is boiling, not from the heat of the game, but from something deeper that simmers under my lid every day. I carry it around under wraps, only to unleash when a step onto the field or the court.

Ouch. Watching this hurts. It hurts because it is true. I am looking for a fight because I haven't already joined a big beautiful fight that can change this world.

So even though I may save the rage and anger for the softball field, it is not enough. Being generally happy and nice to people is not enough. I need to be angry and enraged about the things that matter. About health care and AIDS and orphans and widows and children who feel no love. It is not enough to put on a happy face and let the anger out during sports. I need to realign, readjust and let the anger come out in strangely beautiful ways. Like building houses for those who have none. Helping the single mom do yardwork. Visiting the kids at the neighborhood center. Microfinancing in Burundi. Because if the anger has to go somewhere, it might as well veer towards hope.

Project Deck: DONE

2008-05-27T09:39:00.006-04:00

A year later, our deck is finally done! Memorial Day 2007 marked our beginning of the project and 365 days later (dang curing of wood!) we finally finished it up! Props to my amazing husband who designed, planned, and built it (I handed him tools and drilled where he told me to).

Phase 1 (June 2007): The basic structure - unfinished and without the railing or steps

Phase 2 (August 2007): Can't find the pictures... Railing up, minus the spindles

Phase 3 (may 2008): Stairs and spindles up, stain on, and caps in place

Welcome Back Summer!

2008-05-25T23:09:00.008-04:00

What a great day. We started out our Sunday by sleeping in, going to 11:00 church, and having a nice leisurely lunch. Then we worked on our deck, which I am proud to say is now DONE. Completely. (We didn't actually finish until 10:45, so watch for photos tomorrow.)

Then we headed out with Scott and Kelly to meet up with Ryan and Renee at Tunnel Park in Holland. It was so incredibly gorgeous out. We played some beach volleyball, grilled out, and took a walk down to the beach. The stuff summer is made of. :)

Kevin and Megan

Renee and Ryan (Renee's first time through the Tunnel!)

Not only did Kevin and Scott go in Lake Michigan, they also swam all the way out to the buoy - the water was only 49 degrees! Pure craziness.

The girls opted to stay on the shore. :o)

To top the evening off, we had ice cream. :o) Because you can't go to the beach without going to Captain Sundae's. They just go hand in hand.

Maybe this is why I like to wear heels...

2008-05-20T16:29:00.002-04:00

Pump up your pleasure*

Stepping out in heels not only makes you look sexy; it may make you feel sexier, too! Wearing up to 2-inch heels enourages you to contract (and strengthen!) your pelvic-floor muscles, which has been shown to enhance sexual arousal. Slip on your favorite pair of sexy shoes and take your love life to new heights!

*(taken from an email Self Magazine sends me) lol. gotta love it when something makes me laugh out loud at work.

All in the Family

2008-05-19T23:21:00.008-04:00

Our weekend was spent primarily with my family. And like all familes, mine has its issues, but on the whole we love to get together and eat and talk loudly and laugh a ton.

Friday night was spent at the 'rents house with all of the kiddos. We fed the fish in the pond, took sled rides up and down the gigantic hills, looked at the kildear eggs (whoa those are BIG), and generally ran around my parents giant yard.

awww... Evan, my little pumpkin head

Natalie doing one of her many dances (there are also accompanying songs). This is a girl after her dear ole Aunt Meg's heart.

My three boys in a sled

My three boys still in a sled and a daddy on the ground (Boys are yelling - keep going! get up!) Needless to say, Josh pulled a muscle and was very sore the next day.

We're loud, sometimes obnoxious, we talk over each other and get into fights. But we also love deeply, chase kids around in laughter, appreciate good food, and rally together. And when we need someone, there is always someone there, beautifully, all in the family.

Chinese Dinner

2008-05-16T10:41:00.002-04:00

Look at those lovely ladies!

Dinner was yummy. These ladies are awesome. I have great friends. :o)

happy happy joy joy

2008-05-14T21:37:00.002-04:00

Happy - all day today (well except for maybe when we lost our softball game), but other than that it was a happy day. Brilliant.

Happy - tomorrow is Chinese dinner day! I miss seeing all of my friends together on a regular basis. Hold me to it - I need to take a picture of all of us at the our fav restaurant, First Wok.

Joy - My brother and fam are coming to town this weekend! I am ready for some time with my nephews, talks with Vicki, and the craziness that is Josh.

Joy - The weekend is soon and I can feel the excitement. My WHOLE family will be together Friday night and again on Saturday as Andy receives his MBA. Plus, it is the weekend. That says it all.

Prince Caspian Recap

2008-05-12T22:13:00.003-04:00

Good times, good times. Prince Caspian was a stellar movie. Now, I have not read the books for a really long time, so I cannot really answer any purist questions about how well it sticks to the book. But, it is a great story. A classic story of good and evil always makes for an intriguing movie.

The best part, though, is that I saw it with my friend Aletha who is rather jumpy at movies and it was quite humorous to to listen to her gasp her way through the movie (and to be fair, I did my fair share of gasping as well). And I apologize to all those people who DON'T like to talk through movies, because Aletha and I sure do! Especially about the little romantic interest between Susan and Caspian. So cute...

So, you should go see it. It is not the best adventure/fantasy movie you'll ever see, but it was definately a fun movie. The scenery is beautiful, the music lovely, and the story so engaging that it made this 25 year old want to be a kid again magically transported to Narnia.

Biological Clock

2008-05-12T16:10:00.002-04:00

"My biological clock is not even wound up yet."

That was always my standard reply to the question I have been getting for almost five years now: Don't you want to have a baby soon? Since the day we got married people have asked and hinted and prodded and joked about it. And I was always able to give my standard response. And it was always true. Because when you get married at twenty, the last thing on your mind is having a baby (at least it was the last thing on my mind). I was too busy trying to graduate from college, cook dinners, pay bills, live with a guy and learning to be a grown-up to even consider bringing another person into the mix.

Nowadays I don't really know how to answer that question.

I can't honestly say my ole standard response. Because it is not true. I feel some ticking nested deep in my belly. I can hear it at the weirdest times. Like when I take my dog for a walk and think that someday I am going to have to walk the dog and push a stroller. tick tick tick. Last night when Kevin and I were both lazing around enjoying Sunday and I knew that times like these are precious because one day there will be lovely kiddos beautifully occupying our time. tick tick tick.

Now, we had a bit of a crazy scare in March where I thought I was pregnant (the doctor said I was viably pregnant, yeah, I don't get it either). I broke down crying I was so distraught. Then I called my friend Stro and cried and laughed at the term "viably pregnant." I really REALLY did not want to be pregnant and looking back I think that it was not so much the being pregnant part I would have minded, it was the timing. It was not what I had in mind for 2008, thank you very much! But somewhere in between the craziness and multiple blood tests and baby dreams and not knowing what was going on and ultrasounds, the ticking began.

So, here I am with a wound up biological clock and no where to go, teetering on the edge of something monumental. And everytime I see a baby something inside me simultaneously yearns and screams "Don't do it!" So, if you ask me if I am going to have kids anytime soon, expect to get a whole lot of silence. Because at this point, I have no idea and somewhere deep down the clock just keeps on ticking.

Spring Things

2008-05-08T10:10:00.002-04:00

These are a few of my favorite (spring) things...
Ain't nothin' but a spring thang, baby...

I couldn't help it. These are a couple of songs that just popped right into my head after I typed the blog title. Julie Andrews and Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre - gotta love it!

I love spring and in Michigan we are lucky if we get one. Sometimes we make the giant leap from snow and 30 degrees to humidity and 90 degrees. 2008 has been good to us, though, and I am completely enjoying spring. Here are a couple of reasons why:

1. Lilacs - mine are blooming and they are so pretty and smell so gosh darn good. Everytime I take Brody on a walk I get a nice whiff. They remind me of my mom and being a kid. Must be something about how they bloom around Mother's Day and the fact that we had a ton of lilac bushes growing up and my mom would always have vases full of them in the house.

2. Softball - I have a strange passion for softball (I think it is a way for me to get my competiveness out). Our first game was last and I am happy to say that the Grey Squirrels (it is a long story) were victorious! It was a ton of fun and I only slipped and said a couple of swears. Considering it is a church league, pray that I will learn to keep my mouth shut.

3. My hammock - I love reading in my hammock and am looking so forward to doing so soon. We have been so crazed lately that I haven't had the time, but it is on the short list of things I must do very soon!

I feel like I should have posted some pics of my lilac bush, our softball team or my hammock. Maybe I should start copying my friend Aletha and bring my camera everywhere so I have lovely pics to show. :o)

Go out and get your spring on, people!

Tagged.

2008-05-06T12:46:00.003-04:00

My friend Baa tagged me.
I am: sick. :o(
I know: I am loved.
I want: to see my brother Josh.
I wish: I could travel all of the time and not work.
I hate: nothing. Hate is a really strong word.
I miss: the naivete of childhood.
I fear: not living every moment to the fullest.
I feel: deeply.
I hear: the copier.
I smell: nothing - dang cold!
I crave: time in my hammock.
I search: for beauty in everything.
I regret: being overly careful.
I love: my husband fiercely.
I ache: for world peace. seriously.
I care: about what God cares about.
I always: laugh.
I am not: sure what God has next for me in life.
I believe: that this world is beautiful.
I dance: with my dog and very poorly.
I sing: all of the time.
I cry: at sappy movies and when I feel alone.
I fight: only when I feel strongly about something.
I write: a lot of nothing.
I win: when I put my mind to it.
I lose: poorly.
I never: want to forget that every person was created in God's image.
I confuse: my husband on a daily basis.
I am scared: of just how mean I can be sometimes.
I need: hugs from Kevin all of the time.
I am happy about: my life.
I hope: that I can leave this world a better place.

I tag Emily - you know you want to!

Prince Caspian

2008-05-05T09:36:00.002-04:00

So, I get to work today and check the emails that poured in over the weekend: the usual spam, newsletters, work emails ... AND an invitation to an early screening of Prince Caspian! Our company had an early screening for The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, but I was trying not to get my hopes up for Caspian. I really wanted to see it, though, and am really excited that I get to 1. see if for free and 2. see it 4 days before it opens. :) This Monday just got a whole lot brighter.

my new obsession

2008-05-02T08:41:00.004-04:00

I have become obsessed with BBC, especially their movie adaptations of classics. I blame this all on PBS who decided to air all of the BBC Jane Austen adaptations earlier this year. And now I just can't seem to get enough. My Netflix queue is jam packed with BBC movies that I am sure Kevin is not really going to want to see.

It also creates another problem: I have all of these books that I want to re-read or read for the first time. How did I ever get through school (and an English major) without ever having to read Elizabeth Glaskell? My library should be on alert for all of the books I am going to be putting on hold.

I rationalize all of this obsession as research for our trip to England, Ireland, and Scotland next spring. But really, what am I going to learn about planning a trip from 19th century literature? (except that I may have to stop at all of the places these books were written and set in - please say a prayer that Kevin doesn't kill me for it) So, if the next time you see me I am gushing about Cranford, North & South or Wives & Daughters, I apologize in advance. Just chalk it up the literature/movie geek part getting the best of me.

This weekend w/ the Hoeksemas

2008-04-27T20:35:00.005-04:00

I had a superb, albeit busy, weekend. It deserves a run through day by day.

Friday

I worked from home in the morning, took Brody to the boarder's, picked Kevin up from work and we were off to the Tiger's game! They lost (boo), but it was a good game and we had pretty sweet seats. It was our first game of the year and the weather was b-e-a-utiful. All and all it was a great night.

Yay for really good seats!

After the game and CRAZY traffic in the D (at one point we were stuck in the middle of an intersection, blocked on three sides by cars), we made our way to a hotel in Mount Clemens, which leads us to...

Saturday

We woke up and headed to Chesterfield to pick up a console record player we found on Craig's List. We have been collecting records lately and needed something to play them on. Too bad that the guy kind of exaggerated how well it worked. We got it home and found out it only plays 78s well and all of our records are 33s and 45s. So, we need to get those speeds fixed so we can actually listen to it!

Notice the screwdriver and the back that is off and sitting on the top... Anyone know anything about fixing record players?

Once we got home Kevin tried to get the record player to work (while watching draft coverage) and I headed to the mall to get Kevin's gma a present for her bday. Then it was off to Holland for the bday celebration at Boatwerks. By the time we got home at 9:30, I was dead tired. I took Brody for a walk, laid down to read and promptly fell asleep with book in hand and the lights on.

Sunday

It was my week off from working with the babies at church, so we slept in and went to the 11 service. I really love our church and always look forward to going and learning something each Sunday. Today's service really impacted me; I was very emotional and raw when we left. And what did I do with all of the spiritual know-how I gleaned over the last hour? Picked a fight with Kevin over NOTHING on our way to small group (I am such a punk). Sometimes I wonder if I really truly learn anything. It is a lesson in God's grace that this world keeps on turning. So, we were off to small group at the Callendar's, but the Bremers were gone and Layne was not feeling so hot, so it was cut a wee short. Rory and Jenni did make us FAB frappucinos. YUM!

After small group we ran home, changed our clothes and headed off to softball practice. There were only five of us, but it was still pretty fun. I am way too excited for the season to start (come on May 7!). Oh, and let's not forget to mention that I hit Cathy in the face with a softball which left stich marks in her chin. To my (and Cathy's) defense, Kevin was messing around and totally blocked Cathy's view of the ball until it was too late. :( I tell you, don't mess with the Grey Squirrels - we mean business when it comes to softball, even if it means taking one to the face.

Whew, now we are back home and enjoying the evening before heading into the work week (oh joy!). Happy Monday Eve everyone!

Feeling Sexy

2008-04-22T22:11:00.002-04:00

Do you have one of those things that just makes you feel sexy? beautiful? confidant? For me, having my toes painted is one of those things. One of those small, tiny details that can make my outlook on myself and my world shift completely, tilt and merge into something clear. Silly? yes. True? absolutely.

I've always struggled with image and the idea of feeling sexy. I never felt pretty or thin or elegant or put together enough to deserve sexy. I spent the better part of my college years controlling my diet and excerise counting calories as one pulling petals from a daisy, "I love me. I love me not. I love me. I love me not." Tedious work to control something so tightly. Sometimes you don't even realize that it has begun to control you.

In one of my favorite books the author relays his wife's answer to their son's question "Mom, what does sexy mean? Her response? "Sexy is when it feels good to be in your own skin. Your own body feels right, it feels comfortable. Sexy is when you love being you."

Amen. It rings true and touches something in me, deep in my gut. Laid out so simply. Naked sexiness. It starts inside, before the layers of mascara and eye liner, before cup size and size 6 and sucking in, before the mirrors and measurements and the questions of am I good enough. It begins with loving yourself.

And each day it is a struggle for me. I wake up and remind myself that I am created in God's image. Not only my soul, but my body, every single inch of it. And some days it is easier. And some days I teeter on despair that I will never beat this thing; the battle is never done. And on those days, I paint my toenails, call in the calvary, if you will, and try to reach inside to find the cool comfort that comes from completely and simply loving yourself.

Happen

2008-04-17T23:09:00.003-04:00

When I was in high school I had the John Lennon quote "Life is what happens to you when you are busy making other plans" plastered on my bedroom wall. It was some strange balm to my teenage soul. That even the everyday muck of boys and physics and college applications and summer jobs - that too was life and if I wasn't too careful, it was going to pass me right on by with my plans of a grand(er) future.

It's funny what comes back to you. Just tonight that quote popped in my head as I took Brody for a walk. This week has been crazy and has made me a little crazy. I was sick with the stomach flu Monday night, too tired and worn out to do much of anything on Tuesday, was at Bible Study all evening on Wednesday, and was out later tonight at the Calvin Festival of Faith and Writing. I came home to a house that was semi-clean, but not clean enough to let me sit down and chill. It was the not-clean-enough to make me, tired as I am, clean/organize/do something. I came home to a yard that really needs to be raked and cared for, mulch that needs to be replaced, bulbs that need tending. I came home still tired and a wee bit spent from being sick, needing to just sit and rest and watch the Office and laugh. Too many things to be done is such a short amount of time.

But life still happened. Things happened that were not in the to-do list in my head. Today, I got to hear good lectures, walk outside in the sun, talk with two good friends and enjoy, from the ease of the sidewalk, other people's perfectly tended yards. I can still see the floor that needs to be washed and the lawn that still looks like a matted mess and the shadows under my eyes. And those things will all still be there tomorrow, but there will be new things that just, wonderfully, happen.

Naps and Babies and Flea Markets - Oh My!

2008-04-09T22:26:00.002-04:00

I came home tonight strangely tired. So I made dinner, ate, sat down to read my book and promptly fell asleep for about two hours! I feel very rested now, but still tired enough to sleep in about an hour. No idea why I am so tired. Crazy.

Precious...

One of my very good friends from high school had her fourth baby recently. Welcome Klara! Poor little thing got bruised up when coming into this world, but I still think she is cute as a button. I can hardly believe this is Ericka's fourth baby! Her firstborn was just a wee thing at my wedding five years ago. How time flies... She has all of my respect for staying home with four kids under 5 day in and out. Plus, she plans on homeschooling. She makes my day job look like a cakewalk! Hopefully I will get to see the whole fam in my annual trip to Mt. P in July.

On the subject of babies... The women in my family go on an annual "flea market" trip each year. Usually it is to Shipshewana, but we have always wanted to go to the World's Longest Garage Sale, which is basically one huge extended flea market. It would be an extensive road trip through several states and it only happens once a year. I realized today that we better hurry up and do this trip before I have kids. And the thought freaked me out a bit. I am planning a trip around non-existant kiddos! So, the trip is now scheduled for next year. I am already dreaming of all the good finds!

6 reasons this week is going to ROCK

2008-04-07T21:41:00.005-04:00

There are plenty of things in life I could complain about, but I'm not going to! I didn't get voted class optimist for nothing, baby! Spring is here and we are going to focus on the bright side, put on the rose-colored glasses and forecast this week great.

1. Baa is back. My friend Baa (better known as Sarah) was on vacation last week, but now she is back! Sad for her, awesome for me. Talking to my miniature pirate figurine is just not the same.

2. Chinese Day is tomorrow! Dinner with the girls is ALWAYS fun, but even more so now that I don't get to see most of them everyday. Plus, I have been craving First Wok for about two weeks - yum!

3. The Office is FINALLY back this week! I have been waiting and waiting and I am so very happy to be able to watch tv again. I mean, really, who watches reality tv? I need my laughter scripted, people! Oh, and my Office calendar is featuring Pam and PRIDE this month. And who doesn't love Pam? It is just Office wonderful all around.

4. It is Spring Break. Now, this really means nothing to me personally. Spring Break is one of the cruel twists of adulthood. But, Spring Break means the office is fairly empty so I can actually start tackling the list of big projects listed on my whiteboard. It's the small things, people, really.

5. There are buds on my lilac bush! I love lilacs, and as I was doing some yardwork today I saw little buds. This just puts a big ole smile on my face. On that same note, all of my flowers grew about 3 inches from the sun and warmth in the last two days. I am so excited for them to BLOOM.

6. Softball season is HERE. We had our first practice yesterday and have another scheduled for Sunday. Go Gray Squirrels!

Now that we have the optimism train rolling, it's your turn! Let me know your reasons that this week is going to ROCK!

Why I feel 15

2008-04-01T21:20:00.002-04:00

Artist Site

R+R

2008-03-30T18:25:00.004-04:00

I am not talking about rest and relaxation here, but our friends Ryan and Renee who got married yesterday - yay! The wedding was beautiful and the reception was loads of fun. You really cannot ask for more. :)

Me and Kev

The guys - who would have thought that high school friendships could last so long.

Renee was absolutely stunning :o)

The gang

What a great night! I always get jealous at weddings about the honeymoon. R+R are off to Mexico and I am coveting their trip. lol.

Nostalgic Meg

2008-03-27T21:03:00.002-04:00

It's been awhile. Mostly because life has been, well, life has been life. It is busy and whirling and it hurts and there are tears and it is not fair. Fun, eh?

So tonight I am taking a break from life in the here and now. I am going back to a simpler time when the biggest hurt in my life was a crush not knowing I existed and my angst over not being "cool." A time where a hug from my mom and hope of future "grown-upness" made things bearable.

Nostalgia #1 Claire's
Yes, Claire's, the store that sells all of the junky trinkety accessories. It seems I bought stuff there everytime I went to the mall back in the day. And tonight in my search for a chunky yellow necklace to go with my oh-so-cute black and white polka dot dress, I ended up there again. And I bought a necklace and a bracelet. I confess. I am 25 and I made a purchase at Claire's. Funny that I have not set a foot in that store in probably 8 or so years, yet it was the only store where I could find what I wanted - and all for under $10! Made me feel like I was in middle school again. Oh the joy that plastic accessories can bring.

Nostagia #2 Higher Ground
Did anyone watch this show? Best show EVER. Ok, maybe I am exaggerating, but I love it. It ran from January-June in 2000, and then it was cancelled. It was great. If you get a chance, you should check it out on YouTube. I stumbled across it there and just finished re-watching all of the episodes. It is your basic teen drama, but better. Ah, and Hayden Christensen is a fine looking man, so that doesn't hurt. It brings me back to senior year and working at DQ and staring the unknown of my future right in the face. Which brings me to...

Nostalgia #3 The Tuesday Night Music Club
My first CD. Sigh. So good. This brings me right back to 7th grade. Oh, middle school. So much drama and so many layers piled high on top of my soul so no one would see real me. Heck, I didn't even know who the real me was. Some of my fav songs EVER are on that CD, Run, Baby, Run and I Shall Believe. Seriously good stuff. Oh, and the tie in the Nostalgia #2: I Shall Believe is playing on the last episode of Higher Ground. So I promptly put the iPod on that album and listened to it (horribly singing along) all the way to the mall and back. Good times.

So, there you have it folks, Nostalgic Meg. Amazing how little things like this can put a smile on my face when there is snow falling outside and the past couple of days have seemed bleak. Thank God (really, I am thanking him here) for small blessings wrapped in the warm haze of memories.

Incandescently Happy

2008-03-18T22:00:00.002-04:00

Lovely phrase, eh? I stole it from the screenwriter's of the 2005 version of P&P. It is nice to be incandescently happy once and a while and today was one of those days. The stars were aligned, glory shown down from heaven and for some reason the world was looking quite rosy from my vantage point.

Ever get those moments? Those glimpses where life is lovely and spinning and glittering like a merry-go-round whirring around and all you can do is sit back and enjoy the rush, the feel of the pulse in your neck, the breath escaping from your mouth proclaiming your vitality.

It never seems to last. I return to the land of cubicles and gray spring days. Of earth and mud and tears and questioning. But those glimpses fill up my chest and veins. They give me hope that there is more to life than this. They remind me that God has this whole world in his hands, spinning it 'round and 'round and 'round.

A Lovely Weekend

2008-03-16T21:21:00.002-04:00

I've said it before and I am sure I will say it again: I love my friends. This weekend we went up North for a lil getaway at Fife Lake (thanks Marge and Abe!). We talked, played dominoes, ate cookies, watched movies, talked some more, went for a walk... it was great.

I forgot my camera, but Aletha posted pictures here.

I had so much fun I can almost forget that today is Sunday and tomorrow is back to work, almost.

(.)

2008-03-11T20:46:00.002-04:00

Ok, not sure if any guys read this, but they may want to just pass over this one. Just giving you a fair warning!

. Such a harmless little punctuation mark, but as women it is so much more. Menstruation. On the rag. Aunt Flo's visit. TOM. I could go on. It has been our constant companion since adolesence.

I never much minded my period. It was annoying, yes, but I never had cramps or got sick or doubled over in pain from it. It was something I tolerated every 28 days before getting on with my life. It came. It went. Who cared.

Until I got married and had a reason for wanting it to come. Every month. Then suddenly this thing I had barely tolerated was something I, in a strange way, looked forward to. It was a symbol that I again could get on with my life - a magic 8 ball saying outlook good.

And now, for the second month in a row, my little marker of normalcy is 2 weeks late. And again I peed on a stick and was greeted with the blessed (-) negative. Whew. But again, I gotta wonder what the heck is up with my body. This little annoyance, this visitor is dearly missed. Somewhere along the way it got linked to health and feminity in my mind the same as glowing skin or breasts.

So now I wait (and go to visit the lovely doc) for the little pull and accompanying sigh that all is well and normal and good. When I can ask my uterus "Things back to normal now?" and get the answer I desire: As I see it, yes.

I've been tagged by Baa

2008-03-08T00:28:00.003-05:00

Baa has tagged me.

I'm supposed to
1. Pick up the nearest book (of at least 123 pages).
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five people.

Nearest to me is Feeling for Bones which is overdue and sitting out as a reminder to take it back!

The expression made his forehead wrinkle: it was the first time I ever considered him an old man. "What do I look like?" Callapher asked. "Like a child who's lost her stuffing," he replied.

Intrigued? You should read the book. It was a great read with some lovely prose. As a writer, it is one of those books that makes me jealous. And, I never have anyone to tag... I am so lame.

Back in the land of snow and ice

2008-03-05T22:25:00.009-05:00

And I love it. Really. As much as I love the sun and warmth and baring skin that has not seen daylight in awhile, it is great to be back home. I got sooo excited when I could see my breath after getting off the plane (Kevin was not quite so amused).

Cali was great, don't get me wrong. We drove up the coast from San Diego to LA, stopping at our fav restaurant in La Jolla for breakfast - it is right on the water - AMAZING. Then we walked around the cove a bit and then headed back to the car to continue up the coast stopping at an outlet malls (yay for new clothes) and in Laguna Beach for a walk on the beach.

Brockton Villa Restaurant, great views and yummy french toast.

We finally made it to LA and headed to the Pistons/Clippers game. Our seats were AMAZING, only 6 rows from the floor and the Pistons beat the crap out of the Clippers. It was great because probably 40% of the crowd were Pistons fans. I did feel a tad bad for the Clippers fans... but it passed quickly. :o)

Can it Kaman... you suck! (not very Christian of me, I know, but during sporting events I turn into someone else entirely)

After the game we drove up to Santa Barbara, crashed for the night and then woke up to walk the beach there and hit up some wineries. I am not much into wine, but it was still fun. It was absolutley b-e-a-utiful there. With all the rain they have had, everything was green and lush and it just felt right to be drinking wine while sitting outside in the sun.

Pretty, eh? Even when dormant, the vines are stunning.

After that we headed to LA to meet up with several friends over the next two days. We saw V and Tim, who we haven't seen since college and went to this cool bar, The Happy Ending. The next day we hung out with our friends Dan and Elissa and their son Elliot. We hiked Mount Hollywood for some good views of the city and the Hollywood sign, ate at Diddy Riese for yummy cookies, and just hung out. That night we headed out yet again (we were busy lil bees) for drinks with our friend Meghan from Spring Hill.

Oh so touristy and oh so fun.

And then it was Tuesday and time to head home. And it was good. And I am glad to be home. And now I must go to bed, because, as Kevin keeps reminding me, I need to get back on MI time... and I do need to be up in 7 hours... ah, it is good to be home.

Fun NPC Pictures

2008-02-27T02:00:00.010-05:00

Ok, so these are fun for me. :o) Here is the bookstore that all my lovely volunteers set up on Sunday. We have been selling books like crazy - yay!

Just a little taste of my life this week. :o) It has been really fun and really tiring all at the same time - so now I am off to bed! I will have more pics of the store as a whole tomorrow. Peace out.

Loooooooong Days

2008-02-26T00:55:00.004-05:00

Hello from San Diego! I am ti-red. Yesterday and today were long, but everything came together beautifully. We set up the store yesterday and had our first customers this morning. WOO HOO!

Me and Maureen - the store mavens

Our volunteers are AWESOME and despite the long hours, we are having tons o' fun. I got to go out to eat with Leslie and Joel and some of Joel's registration friends. It was a great chance to sit down for a while and meet new people.

Random moment of the day: I walked over to the mall to pick up some BBQ chix from CPK (YUM!) and there was this guy just laying face first on the ground. I almost didn't seem him as I turned to get on the escalator, but turned around to see what everyone was looking at. And as I turn around on the escalator, there is a guy two steps down videotaping the scene and chuckling under his breath. So these guys are just playing around, probably for some YouTube video, and all of these people in the mall are staring and looking concerned. Some people close the the guy were even saying "Are you ok?" and crouching down low to see if he was breathing. So I just kept on walking too hungry to care about whatever YoutTube nonsense they were doing. Random - I never see these kinds of things in W. Michigan. :)

I am off for tonight... Sleep tight world!

San Diego

2008-02-23T20:35:00.002-05:00

I am here! It is sunny out! WOO HOO!

I am excited to be out in San Diego for the next week and a half. I will be working until Friday helping put on the National Pastors Convention. Kevin is coming out on Thursday and on Saturday we will drive up to LA to watch the Pistons beat the Clippers, then keep on heading north to Santa Barbara. After some time in the wine country on Sunday, we will head back to LA to meet up with some college friends we have not seen in forever (yay V and Tim!). On Sunday we are going to hang out with another set of friends who live in LA (yay Lappenga family!). Needless to say we will not be bored. On Tuesday we will make our way home to Brody (who will follow us around the house mercilessly, afraid that if he lets us out of his sight we will leave again).

It is only 5:40 out here and I am BEAT. I have been on my feet aworkin' away since 8. Tomorrow I have to start set up at 6 (eek, good thing I am still on MI time). Hopefully all will go as well as it did today. We have a BIG task in front of us.

As for tonight, I am going to get some work done in my room and then we are headed out to the ocean (woo hoo!). Hopefully I will have pictures to post later. To all my Michigan readers, I am sending sunny thoughts your way (hopefully real sun will follow). :o)

Berenstain Bears

2008-02-19T19:25:00.003-05:00

Who didn't love the Berenstain Bears growing up? How can you resist wholesome furry bears who wear exactly the same clothes day in and out? I loved these books growing up. My favs are here and here. The Messy Book was the first time I felt the pull to be organized. Oh how I really wanted my room to resemble Brother and Sister bear's clean and organized room. I even begged my mom to buy me pegbaords for my room because they had them (and somehow I believed they were the magic that would keep my room neat). I believe I owe my Real Simple subscription to the effect this book had over me. It was the beginning of my want to be organized (notice I said want to be, not am).

So, why the ramble on a kid's book series? Because today I got to meet Stan and Jan Berenstain's (the creators of the books) son Mike. The big Z is publishing a Christian line of the books and he was in talking about them. This is one of those days that I love my job, one of those days when I remember why I have always wanted to work in publishing. These are books that I read ALL the time when I was little and now I am part of the process of getting them out to more kiddos. I get to meet authors and illustrators. I know, I am a total book geek, but I love it. I love being on the other side of the curtain even if 99.9% of my time is not near as fun as the .1% when I get to encounter things like this.

The Bright Side

2008-02-18T21:38:00.003-05:00

Every inch of me is cold. This is probably not helped my the fact that I just ate ice cream, but I refuse to let the weather dictate my dessert. I don't dislike winter, I am just getting tired of being constantly cold (especially my toes!) and I am sick of my winter clothes and my skin has forgotten how to hold an inch of moisture. So, before I go into a rant about winter, I am going to stop and look on the bright side:

1. The writer's strike is OVER. I am beyond glad - that means the Office will be back in April. I am going to try hard and not wish March away.
2. I am leaving for San Diego in 4 days. Even though I have to work, the end of my time there will be spent with Kevin and some good friends we don't see near enough.
3. It is almost March which brings the official start to spring (even if we don't see its effects til May). March also brings a fun girl trip to Fife Lake. I am very much looking forward to chilling with the girls and watching chick flicks.
4. This movie looks really cute and I think I am going to make Kevin take me to it while we're in San Diego. :o)

I am easily distracted, because already I feel better. So, what are you looking forward to in the near future?

Expectations

2008-02-13T13:38:00.003-05:00

Today for lunch I was expecting to eat my yummy leftover cashew chicken from Chinese lunch with the girls. All through my workout I was dreaming of cashew chicken, pushing myself just a little harder with the promise of Chinese yumminess at the end. I finish, shower, primp, run upstairs to the kitchen area, open up the fridge and NO CHINESE.

That's right. Someone decided to take my leftover Chinese. Ridiculous. I am mad. Because have I mentioned that I REALLY wanted those leftovers? I looked through both fridges (nothing), racked my brain to make sure I had actually put it in the fridge yesterday (I did), I even looked in the freezer (again, nothing).

So now I am eating a salad from the cafeteria. Not NEAR as good as my Chinese. I can't believe I had to pay three dollars for it (I'm cheap, ok?). My general good mood has been tweaked and that fact makes me even more ticked. I mean, does not having my Chinese affect me that much? Today it did. It is all a matter of expectations.

Beating Winter

2008-02-11T20:58:00.000-05:00

We have gotten dumped on with snow lately. It is piled high all over the place. My dog can barely find somewhere to squat when we go out on walks because the snow is taller than he is. The temperature just barely broke into the teens today. And, bonus, we got our first rays of sun in 11 days - 11 DAYS! Needless to say I think winter is getting to us all.

I was talking with my friend and co-worker today and though we both love winter, we are getting a little cabin-feverish and sun-deprived. She mentioned that she is bringing spring in early by going tanning (or trying to tan - I love that you forgot to turn the lights on Becky!). A couple of fake rays can go a long ways to ushering in spring fever.

I, on the other hand, am counting down the days til I will be in sunny Southern California. I don't leave for 11 days, but I am now checking weather.com daily too buoy my spirits with 70 degree forecasts. I just need a 10 day thaw out and then I can come back and face the rest of winter.

Kevin was cursing winter as he shoveled more snow onto the mountaneous banks on either side of our driveway. He would like to trade in our 10-day vacation to Cali into something a little more permanent.

So, to all my friends who are battling winter, just know, that we will win. Hang in there and eventually the snow will slide away. We will put the boots and gloves and scarves and hats into their closet bed til next year. Spring, that far away event, will come. It always does.

This Weekend

2008-02-10T19:23:00.000-05:00

I loved this weekend. Now, I generally love weekends, I mean, who doesn't? But this weekend was wonderful. It was stunningly ordinary and I loved every minute of it.

Friday evening kicked off with dinner at Boberino's with Texer, Renee, Steve, Kristi and Kevin. Then we met up with Aletha, Greg, and the Strostras for the GR Symphony Tribute to the Beatles. It was way fun. I kept leaning over to Kevin and saying, "This is my favorite. No wait, this is my favorite." I feel sorry for people who don't really like the Beatles.

After that we headed over to Mixology for drinks with Greg and Aletha. It was great to catch up with Aletha since I don't see her everyday anymore. And it just felt good to be out and about in GR. It wasn't too cold, so rather than rushing from place to place, we could stroll about. Plus, I think I was a bit buzzed (alas, I am a bit of a lightweight) so everything just seemed so much brighter and better.

Saturday was Kevin's birthday and we just hung out together all day. He is not one for brithday celebrations, but I am! So while he slept in, I went out and got him bagels from Big Apple, groceries for a big breakfast on Sunday and all the fixin's for his fav dessert - creme brulee. Too bad the torch I bought to carmalize the sugar needed gas, which I did not have - oops! We ate them anyway, sans carmalized sugar.

Sunday I woke up to blistering winds and drifting snow. We made it to church, but didn't travel out after that (which was just fine by me). In the words of Speyer's florist friend Konstantine, "I love it when nature just makes you stop." Because today I was glad that it was snowy out. It made being inside with Kevin all the more better - knowing we could just be all day. There was not where to go to, nothing to do. I loved every minute of it.

And this is why I loved this weekend. Time with friends, celebrating my husband, snowy walks with the dog, sappy movies on tv, good music, laughter. Nothing spectacular, but lovely mundane things that made me love every minute of it.

Fat Tuesday

2008-02-05T12:46:00.000-05:00

mmm... these paczkis were deliscious!

Happy Fat Tuesday! I happen to love Fat Tuesday. It is tied to childhood memories of decadence. We hardly ever got doughnuts, but we always knew that when Fat Tuesday came around there would be paczkis (prounounces poonch-keys) for everyone. And, as it was the last day before Lent, it was the day to get in all the tv watching, chocolate, fast food, or whatever it was you were giving up the next day. Once lasy hurrah for indulgence.

Growing up Catholic, Lent was a big deal. All motions and doing and waiting and withholding. Ashes on the forehead, no meat on Fridays, parish-wide fish frys, extended prayer and devotion times after meals, giving up something. It was a rhythm ingrained in my being. I never thought twice about any of it. I jumped through all of the hoops and waited for Easter, that day when the strange haze would be lifted and life would go back to normal.

It wasn't til I got to high school that I realized that God was not going to smite me if I ate meat - none of the other kids were abstaining. I remember my first time. It was pepperoni pizza. I didn't intend to sin, I was just so hungry that I dug in. I realized what I had done too late. The funny thing was, I didn't care. The crossing of the proverbial line felt a wee anticlimatic.

Now Lent is something real to me. Back then it was a thing I did, but now it is a conscious decision. I will go to services tomorrow and come out with ashes smeared on my forehead to remember that I am dust and nothing without the God who created me. I may give up something, I may not. Maybe instead of pining after ice cream, or chocolate or fast food, I will spend the next forty days contemplating the great sacrfice made and the love that makes forty days of haze seem like such a small act in comparison.

Comfort

2008-02-01T23:24:00.001-05:00

Today was a rough day that capped off a rough week. The weather was rough. Work was beyond rough. And (at times) I was rough. And now it is Friday. And I had nothing to do.

Kevin had a guy's night planned and the week had drained most of the energy out of me making going out really unappealing. But at the same time, staying in with the house to myself left a little to be desired. I needed comfort. I needed people. So I went to my parent's house.

When I was little I used to lay my head in my mom's lap and she would smooth my hair and tell me stories or how much she loved me or how I was growing up too fast. This was the ultimate comfort. Thoughts of fights with friends and run-ins with bullies faded into the music of unconditional love. My mom just let me lay there. She let me be.

So I plugged in my iTrip, blasted the Moulin Rouge soundtrack (because Ewan McGregor singing is just the cherry on top of the comfort sundae) and coaxed my car through the snow to my parent's house. I climbed the stairs to my mom's sewing room and we talked and yelled out the answers to Wheel of Fortune as she sewed. My dad lured us downstairs with coffee and Bailey's (brought over by yours truly) and we watch Funny Face and poked fun at Fred Astaire and Audrey Hepburn. I didn't even care that I had just seen it a couple of weeks before, because old movies and my parents just go together - AMC and TCM are mainstays.

We capped off the night watching the Redwings (well, my dad and I watched, my mom tied off her quilt). My dad's pessimism juxtaposed against my optimism. I won out when Zetterberg scored in the last two minutes followed by Draper's empty netter (for which I jumped up and down). I let my parents conversations lull me by the fireplace.

And now I feel a bit more normal. Less cranky. Tended to. I have homemade bread in my belly and fresh memories drying in my brain. And even though I am too old to lay my head across my mom's lap, I know that I can always crawl home and let their easiness smooth over me.

I Heart Books

2008-01-29T22:07:00.000-05:00

Since I need a break, I am stealing this from my friend Sarah. :o)

One book that changed your life.
Hmm... The Red Tent by Anna Diamant made me realize the Biblical characters were real people and not just caricatures. So, in a way, that book shed a new light on the Bible for me. Oh, and My Antonia by Willa Cather. It gave me a fresh look at how setting can impact the tone for a book.

One book that you have read more than once.
Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austen

One book you would want on a desert island.
All of the ones on my "to read" list because maybe then I would have enough time.

Two books that made you laugh.
Marley and Me by John Grogan (it also made me cry - see below) and Big Boned by Meg Cabot

One book that made you cry.
Marley and Me - I was on a plane and had to stop reading it so I would not freak out the other passengers with my crazy crying!

One book you wish you'd written.
The Time Traveler's Wife - brilliant

One book you wish had never been written.
Wow, never written, eh? I can't think of any book I have really HATED enough to ban from the Earth.

Two books you are currently reading.
Just finished After the Leaves Fall by Nicole Baart. Currently reading The Book of Jane by Anne Dayton and May Vanderbilt.

One book you've been meaning to read.
A whole slew. I do have The Other Boleyan Girl and Feeling for Bones are on hold at the library, so I think they are next. :o)

Sundays

2008-01-27T23:13:00.000-05:00

I miss Sunday.

I love Sundays. Church in the morning. Lunch with Kevin. Lazy hours spent napping, or watching football, or doing nothing. Sundays are wonderful days. God really knew what he was doing when he created the Sabbath, eh?

More recently I have found another item to list on the pro side for Sundays. The Complete Jane Austen on Masterpiece Theatre. I am addicted to anything Jane Austen. Have been since the first time I read Emma in 9th grade (I am a bit of a romantic). The wonderfully strange language, the stoic men, and witty women won me over. The plots are fairly predictable, but it doesn't matter. The means to which the plots are lived out and the language and posturing of the characters is fun enough. Oh, good Jane. They just don't write novels like yours anymore.

And today is Monday. And it is rainy and work is rough (I am actually online because I have been working for about an hour and a half). And I am in a whiny mood and losing respect for myself because of it. And I really want to be transported back to yesterday. I want to take another nap with Kevin, snuggle with Brody, and curl up with a blanket and get lost in the world of Miss Price's, Mansfield Parks, and one true loves.